Eden's Garden: Writing My Story

What is this?

2011-10-22T05:00:00.000-06:00

Description

Modern-Day Diet

2011-07-20T17:45:00.001-06:00

A quote from a book review regarding our modern American diet.

"Besides the paucity of good fats, the near hegemony of industrialized foodstuffs in the modern diet, devoid of nearly everything except sugar, salt, toxic oils, and devitalized flours, has helped to create an undernourished population primed for . . . maladies."

from review of Addiction: The Hidden Epidemic by Pam Killeen, reviewed by Katherine Czapp

When we start off our day with processed, sugary cold cereals paired with homogenized, pasteurized skim milk from cows shot full of antibiotics and hormones, continue on to a fast food lunch made from factory-farmed beef with highly processed cheese on a white flour bun and paired with a favorite soda and potatoes fried in vegetable oils and then round the day out with a dinner that features another slab of meat injected with antibiotics and hormones along with a white potatoes or rice, a side of corn or peas as well as a white flour roll and finished off with a bowl of ice cream doused in high-fructose corn syrup chocolate topping we have the makings of the modern America diet. This doesn't even include the bags of potato chips, candy bars, coffee, soda, or sugary snacks that dot the hours between each of our meals. Is it any wonder that we are struggling to feel good, our children are riddled with chronic diseases and each generation is sicker than the last?

The exciting thing is that now we know. We know that these foods are not good for us and now we can make the changes. That is what inspires me.

Good Food, Good Health

2011-07-14T17:00:00.001-06:00

I love food.

You too? I love the caramelized onions with red potatoes that we had for dinner the other day, a perfectly runny egg with sausage for breakfast, and that berry spinach smoothie I made yesterday afternoon. I like food. I like the smell of dinner cooking when I open the door at night, I like the juices dripping off the coconut chicken so that it dribbles down my chin, I like crisp crunch of a Fuji apple in the middle of the afternoon.

Food is fun. It tastes good, it brings people together, it is an endless source of variation, interest and conversation.

Yummy food! Blessed food! Good food!

I'm planning on sharing more recipes here, more of my thoughts on food and just more about my love of all things regarding health, nutrition and food.

For now listen to this excellent talk by Robyn O'Brien--a food analyst who once saw food only as a commodity and now sees it as a pathway to health. One of her four kids had a major allergic reaction to breakfast one morning and Ms. O'Brien's whole life changed. She talks about what is in our food and why she had to change what her family ate once she realized food's impact on them.

Enjoy!

Home Show 2011

2011-06-04T00:43:00.001-06:00

My mom decorated a home for the home show this year. She had a great time pulling together all the pieces and I had so much fun giving my opinion about each and every item. :) Here is a preview of her work.

The front of the house. Even more charming with all the new flowers and the benches and porch furniture.

I love the rock on the exterior

The front entry

Living room on the left. Such a sweet little room.

Walk through the entry into the family room/kitchen

The mantle

Dining room

View from the other side of the dining room

Table in the family room looking into the kitchen

View into the kitchen

The back patio

The kitchen

Kitchen sink looks into the back yard

View of the kitchen from the entry

Adorable child's table at the end of the island

Looking from dining room/kitchen to the stairs

The hallway off the kitchen/dining room

Green bedroom

I love the white and green

Bench in the hallway

Bathroom

Second bedroom is the gray bedroom

Beautiful bed! I love that headboard

Master bedroom

Sitting area in the master bedroom

Master bathroom

Mudroom, the door at the end leads into the two-door garage

Laundry room

Other side of the laundry room

It is a sweet, charming home. I would buy it if it was the right time for me. There is also a full unfinished basement with big windows. It has a cold storage room and places for a bathroom, two bedrooms and a family room.

What do you think?

Bonus points to anyone who can name the two pieces of furniture that come from my house or to anyone who can name pieces that came from my mom, sister, or sister-in-law's homes. Most of these are major pieces of furniture---*hint, *hint.

Spring Flings

2011-05-12T12:07:00.000-06:00

Guess where I am going this weekend? Duke University! My brother Brock is graduating from Duke's International MBA program and several of us are making the trip to see him graduate. I'm excited to see the beautiful campus, Cameron Indoor Stadium, the gorgeous North Carolina countryside and eat some barbecue. I'm so proud of Brock (and Adam and Michelle who also graduated with MBAs from Duke) and I'm excited to applaud him as he reaches this milestone.

Then I am headed for a few days to visit my friend in Kentucky. Time to chat and cook and squeeze her kids and relax. I hope. I hope there is some really good relaxing that takes place over the next few days. At least the change of pace, the change of scenery and the new experiences that will envelop me and refresh me.

Here's hoping for a good weekend.

Debunking the Fat Myth

2011-04-19T10:00:00.010-06:00

image via herbalsupplementreview.com

Here are a few must-reads and things to look at in reference to the myths surrounding obesity, heart disease and diabetes. Ground-breaking, enriching, thought-provoking ideas. I only share the best of the best.

1. The paradigm-shifting quote from Gary Taubes' book.

Of all the dangerous ideas that health officials could have embraced while trying to understand why we get fat, they would have been hard-pressed to find one ultimately more damaging than calories-in/calories-out. That it reinforces what appears to be so obvious--obesity as the penalty for gluttony and sloth--is what makes it so alluring. But it's misleading and misconceived on so many levels that it's hard to imagine how it survived unscathed and virtually unchallenged for the last fifty years.

It has done incalculable harm. Not only is this thinking at least partly responsible for the ever-growing numbers of obese and overweight in the world--while directing attention away from the real reasons we get fat--but it has served to reinforce the perception that those who are fat have no one to blame but themselves. That eating less invariably fails as a cure for obesity is rarely perceived as the single most important reason to make us question our assumptions, as Hilde Bruch suggested a half century ago. Rather, it is taken as still more evidence that the overweight and obese are incapable of following a diet and eating in moderation. And it puts the blame for their physical condition squarely on their behavior, which couldn't be further from the truth.

------p. 81 Why We Get Fat by Gary Taubes

2. An insightful article "Is Sugar Toxic?" in the New York Times Magazine on sugar and its effect on not only obesity but every person's long-term health. Loved this read! I literally soaked up every single word.

3. A 90-minute video entitled "Sugar: The Bitter Truth" by Dr. Robert Lustig an pediatric endocrinologist. He treats obese children and explains in depth the devastating effects of sugar on not only ourselves but our children as well.

This kind of information fills me up with a gospel-like zeal. I want to shout it to the world! Look at this! It is amazing! How exciting is this research? What an eye-opener! What a wonder!

I've struggled with the chubby factor most of my life. And I've read nearly everything I can about it. I've had a few AH-HA moments along the way. This is one of them. I felt like this book, article, and video synopsized so much of what I have learned the last year or two. They made me happy down to my TOES. I love, love, love insight and wisdom and light.

Take a look for yourself. Maybe you will find something enlightening as well.

More Rearranging

2011-04-08T12:04:00.000-06:00

Can you tell what is different in my little place?

It is big and white and takes up quite a bit of room.

The fridge! You guessed it! I moved the fridge out of the pantry/storage room where it has resided since I moved here. I just never thought there was enough room in my tiny kitchen/living room. The apartment came with the tiny fridge you see in the picture below.

The first week I went grocery shopping and came home and filled the little fridge thinking I would make it work just fine. Until the little fridge froze everything--all the meats, veggies and fruits. So, I bought my own fridge and brought it in but the only place I could find for it was in the storage room.

The storage room/pantry door is the one that is open. I was making that trek from stove to fridge or fridge to sink a thousand times every day. Uggh. Also, don't worry about the door behind the fridge. That goes into my landlady's storage room. She has another apartment in the other half of her basement with a door into that same storage room and that is how she always accesses that room. I think that particular door behind the fridge has only been opened twice since I have lived here.

Well, a few weeks ago, I realized the thing that drives me crazy, crazy, crazy is when I cook, I have to haul everything in from the fridge in the storage room first and then I make a million trips back and forth the whole time I am cooking. While the regular-sized fridge was a step up from the little fridge, it was still inconvenient where it was located but I've been living with it, thinking that I just didn't have enough room to accommodate that fridge in my kitchen space. Plus, wouldn't it look really weird to have a fridge jutting out into the living room and sitting next to my yellow chair?

Well, all that changed several days ago when I realized it mattered more to me now to have a convenient, more effective use of space when I am cooking. I would move the yellow chair out if I had to do it. The kitchen arrangement was more important now. So, I did it--with some amazing help from my mom, the guru of all things homemaking. She is a whiz and made the project fast and easy--and clean. I want to grow up some day to be like her.

I am so thrilled with this change. It makes my life more pleasurable in a thousand tiny ways. I want to cook more and clean up faster. I am so happy with this decision.

Recipes

2011-03-23T17:03:00.001-06:00

I've been told that my recipes are hard to find. So, in an effort to help all five of you find my recipes more quickly, I have built this page. It also resides as a permanent link on the right of the page. Enjoy!

To My Skinny . . .

2011-03-22T16:50:00.002-06:00

I vacillate about writing about this topic on my blog. But this little essay I wrote still speaks to me several days later so I am sharing. I wrote most of this letter after I finished reading the book Why We Get Fat by Gary Taubes. That book seemed to solidify for me some thoughts I have had the last few years regarding weight and obesity and their contribution to self-worth. This is not a review of that book but rather a collection of unfiltered and incomplete thoughts inspired by what I read.

To my skinny brothers and sisters,

I have felt for most of my life that being fat was my fault. That is what conventional dietary wisdom taught me: a calorie in and a calorie out. I was fat because I consumed more calories then I expended. Therefore, as the wisdom goes, I need to consume less and exercise more. Sounds correct, right?

It also presumes that anyone who is fat is that way because they are greedy, lazy and slothful. They eat too much, they are too sedentary or lazy. A conclusion I also believed. Why did I come defective? How come the way I did it was wrong? Why couldn't I figure out how to be healthy and not lazy, slothful or greedy?

There were years of thinking that emotional eating must be at the root of all of this. I did binge. I did eat lots of treats sometimes. I even ate lots of food sometimes. It must be because I was somehow defective again that I couldn't control myself. That was the message I heard over and over and over again.

I don't remember when I quit believing it but sometime in the last few years that kind of thinking started to make me really, really mad. I saw skinny people--lots of them--eat huge amounts of food, terrible, awful junk food and never gain an ounce. They looked lean. But not me. I could eat fruits, veggies, whole grains, protein, little fat and exercise like a demon and I would lose some weight but it seemed like I was always semi-starving, needed to exercise a couple of hours or more a day and still it was going to be a lifelong battle to keep it all in check because one little slip and it took vast amounts of energy to get back on that band wagon. And no matter how much weight I lost or how successful I was doing it, I would regain it all sometimes it seemed just by BREATHING.

One of the reasons I have resisted the idea of bariatric surgery is that I've always wanted to figure out MY BODY, my system, my health. It led to me to reading and studying all kinds of things that "conventional wisdom" told me were wrong. And really for a several years I just gave up. I was going to be blamed for being fat anyway so I might as well enjoy it, right? Being obese is not a defect you can hide in the closet, you wear it around with you every day; and in our cultural climate that means that anyone can offer their advice on how to solve your problem. It has made for some interesting conversations.

Anyway, all of that was preamble to this book: Why We Get Fat by Gary Taubes. If what this book talks about is really truth then my entire paradigm on health has shifted.

Let's say that I was born with a body that is just as healthy and lean as anyone else's body when fed the correct foods. Let's say though that my body's version of good food (food that will turn into energy and not fat) is exclusively proteins, good fats, veggies and some fruit. Everything else (beans, legumes, grains, sugar, starches, etc) tend to make me gain weight. That has always sounded a bit crazy to me or like Atkins where people eat steak and bacon and have bad breath all day, but now I'm beginning to believe that there may just be an answer to all of this "how do I lose weight" and "how to I keep it off forever" and maybe it just isn't as crazy as I once thought.

I hesitate to think that this is a complete answer. I wish it was but I have read too many things in the past that I thought were "the answer" to really believe this will solve the total problem. But it may. Or it may be a really big part of the answer.

And even that part gives me hope.

Menu for Week of March 13-19

2011-03-12T23:14:00.002-07:00

I am trying to do better at menu planning so I have actual food to cook each night instead of foraging through my cupboards hoping that I find a fully cooked meal just waiting for me. Why, you ask, do I do that? Vain hope? Mental deficiency? Laziness? I don't know. I think I keep wishing that my fairy godmother or my actual mother has moved in and cooked a fabulous meal for me.

Most of these meals will have enough extra that I put them in the freezer and refrigerator for later lunches and dinners. And some nights I will make three of these meals at once so I can take them to work and school and not come home until late each night.

I did the shopping on Saturday. I just have to run to one other grocery store to pick up some of the veggies. I will let you know how the week turns out.

Here goes:

M--Shrimp and veggie saute

T--Chicken Dive-In

W--Garden fresh meatballs

Th--Chicken chili soup

F--Mexican stew

Sa--Taco wings and guac dip

This is the plan. Now if I can just stick with it.

Who wants to come to dinner?

Looking Back . . . Then Forward

2011-02-26T18:33:00.002-07:00

Last year was a tough year in many ways. Hard things to face and hard things to do. It is painful to confront trouble, deal with it, parcel out the good from the bad and re-orient your perspective so you remember and learn from it all. The year 2010 was one of sifting and sifting and sifting through the chaff and the riff raff to find the gold.

Maybe because of that pain and trouble, things feel especially sweet this year. A couple of really good things have happened in the lives of my friends and family this year. Things that make me want to do a happy dance for them. Just regular things like health, good jobs, and happy accomplishments, but things made all the sweeter because I've learned to treasure and hold the golden things wrapped close to my body, close to my ear, close to my heart and listen for the whispers of relief, the shouts of joy and the silence of peace.

"And men are, that they might have joy." (2 Nephi 2:25)

Notes to Self

2011-02-19T20:29:00.000-07:00

It doesn't matter that I don't actually own a TV, the Internet has changed the whole TV-watching landscape and I still watch far too much of it.
I don't have babies of my own so I like to spend time with my nieces and nephews. I haven't had as much time lately to do that and when I do see them it is like my heart expands and wants to burst in those moments. They are growing so tall and growing so big, so very, very fast. Where are the sweet babies they were just a few years ago? I am amazed how quickly they change and how much they take a piece of my heart with them every time I say goodbye to them.
Time is hurtling by. Way too fast for my comfort.
I snuggled up and watched some movies this week. It was my mental health reprieve. I am a sucker for British/Edwardian/Austenian kinds of film with a strong dose of anything happy or hopeful. Unlike a few years ago when I couldn't get enough of dark, deep, thought-provoking films. Right now, I am only interested in sunshine, hope and overcoming at all odds.
I love my Grandmother's couch, my sweet yellow chair and my 1930s cherry mahogany dining table but they are all almost too nice for my house. I worry too much about them staying nice rather than living with them. I think they would fit perfectly in a living room and then I could buy family room furniture and a sturdier casual dining table.
I like my little Pear Tree Cottage but I'm growing up. I'm still years away from it but I want a house. A real, live house of my own with a living room, family room, study, and big kitchen. It cracks me up that I now fall asleep to dreams of gas stoves, stainless steel appliances and dining chairs.
I can imagine myself as a mother, always have, but I have the hardest time imagining myself as a wife. I think my romantic life needs a boost.
I used to wonder at what point older adults gave up on the idea of marriage, a spouse or a family. I know now. They never do.
Living alone was fun at first--doing what you want, never answering to anyone, making and leaving messes without worrying about them--but the initial pleasure has worn off. Life was meant to be lived together surrounded by the daily, constant work of loving others.
Change is hard.
I want to go out to eat more. I want to have more dinner parties. I like good food and good friends.
I've noticed a lot of bad habits lately that have cropped up over the past few years. They are like really big weeds in my garden. I don't like them.
Hard work makes me feel better. I'm just really well-practiced at delaying its arrival.

House Inspiration

2011-01-31T20:39:00.002-07:00

Just a few of my favorite images lately. All have gone in my Dream Home notebook in Evernote. If you haven't heard or used Evernote, check it out. Such a great online, organizing tool. I've used it for a year now and I'm not quite sure what I did without it.

A photo of my future dining room.

I love the huge windows, the transom windows, the moldings around the windows, the dark table and the light chairs and the view of the lake. I dream about sitting in a room like this on a Sunday morning enjoying breakfast and welcoming the day ahead.

A study that I love.

Again, I swoon over the architectural details, the moldings, the built-in shelves and desk. I imagine this kind of space in my family home with kids racing up and down the stairs, the kitchen nearby, and me in my study keeping watch over everyone's doings.

Can life really be this beautiful once in a while?

RECIPE: Mom's Sweet Potato Black Bean Salad

2010-12-31T08:52:00.019-07:00

This recipe is one that my mom, Jamie, created this month. She made it for Sunday dinner a couple of weeks ago and it was so good that we've both made it for dinner parties since then. The mixture of black beans, roasted sweet potatoes, and lime juice make it yummy and the cilantro is the perfect finishing touch. Enjoy!

This recipe was inspired by a sweet potato salad recipe from Mary Jesperson

1 small sweet potato, unpeeled and cut in small cubes

1 large red onion, diced

3-4 Tbsp olive oil

1 Tbsp Parmesan Garlic Bread Dipping Blend from Pepper Creek Farms brand

OR any spice combination you would like i.e. Herbs de Provence, or cumin and paprika, etc, and salt and/or pepper to taste.

Mix veggies together in a medium-sized bowl with olive oil, spread on a cookie sheet, then add spices and salt and pepper. Roast at 450 degrees for 25 minutes.

1 4 oz box of Farmhouse Long Grain & Wild Rice, Herb & Butter Flavor

(Jamie: cheapest place in our town to buy this is at WinCo)

(Jamie: I haven’t tried it yet but you could use any rice and season it).

Prepare as directed on the box.

1 can black beans, drained and rinsed

1/2 cup fresh cilantro

Dressing:

2 Tbsp fresh lime juice

2 Tbsp olive oil

1/8 tsp salt

Whisk together it all together

Add together roasted sweet potato combination, black beans, cilantro, dressing and rice. Mix gently to combine. Serve immediately or at room temperature.

QUOTE: Succeeding at Trials

2010-12-08T16:48:00.002-07:00

If it is our trial, then we can succeed.

When in situations of stress we wonder if there is any more in us to give, we can be comforted to know that God, who knows our capacity perfectly, placed us here to succeed. No one was foreordained to fail or to be wicked. When we have been weighed and found wanting, let us remember that we were measured before and we were found equal to our tasks; and therefore, let us continue, but with more determined discipleship. When we feel overwhelmed, let us recall the assurance that God will not over-program us; he will not press upon us more than we can bear.

Elder Neal A. Maxwell

More Than Words

2010-11-30T22:55:00.000-07:00

I read this book this weekend. There is one particular sentence and line that leapt out at me it was so beautiful. And perfect. I would share it with you but I only borrowed the book and read it like a I was a drunk with a new bottle of wine. I read it so quickly that I'm still digesting it and I need to go get my own copy so I can write in the margins and highlight my favorite parts.

There is just something about reading that wakes me up and makes me feel alive again. Especially a really, really good book that I can whiz through because the writing is delicious and the story is worth following. They remind me why I love reading so much. It humanizes me, tenderizes me, makes me aware of fellow travelers on the path of life.

I love a good book.

Lovely

2010-11-16T15:36:00.003-07:00

I attended a writers' workshop a few weeks ago where a writer my age spoke about his work in fantasy fiction. He was tall and funny and balding in that gentle way that makes him seem too young to have encountered such follicular challenges. He was more than I expected and better too.

He reminded me that I love the gasp of delight that comes when I encounter unexpected goodness or joy. It feels a bit like jumping impetuously off a rocky ledge on a summer-hot day only to be engulfed by the startling cold water of a mountain lake. The joy of feeling comes partly from the sharpness of that initial pain.

In some way that describes what I felt when I first read my friend Sarah's essay "Pregnant Thoughts in the Afternoon." It elicited that gasp as it cut me to the quick with this

[C]ruising through the culture-doused streets of Paris with nagging anxieties about my future clawing into what should have been a care-free vacation with a good friend (whose rich "uncle" was paying for the whole shebang!). While I should have been joyfully diving into patisseries and appreciating only the layers of butter and air, I was worrying about that whole husband thing. Would I ever meet him? The One? Would I be too flawed for him to love me back? There were no prospects at the time and while I was prepared to run to him with open arms, I had serious doubts that he actually existed.

She had articulated my own thrumming thoughts and the often incessant whirl of doubts in my own head. She just did it so well that I nearly missed the real point of her post. And I don't want you to miss it either.

So, take a minute to digest it for yourself. You might be surprised by joy just like me.

Reading Roundup 11/12/10

2010-11-12T16:04:00.002-07:00

I often find at the end of the week that there are several things I have come across that week that made an impact on me or that I liked or that made me laugh, so I'm introducing Reading Roundup. A chance to review some of my favorite things that week.

Here are the tidbits and stories this week:

A word of advice about what NOT to do when the UPS man shows up at your door. This story made me nearly cry with laughter when I first came across it. So, cop to it--just how many of you have done something similar?

A bluesy song from the two sisters of the Dixie Chicks. I heard this song this week and I liked the stripped-down and laid-bare feel of it. Take a listen and see what you think.

The most inspirational of the week was my brother Brock writing about his last year doing Crossfit and how it has changed his body and his mind. He goes into detail about what he has learned from this process and I loved reading it. It gave me a boost of can-do attitude as well as insight as he addresses issues like body image and self-confidence.

Happy Friday!

The Goobies Photo 2010

2010-11-11T07:00:00.012-07:00

I've been looking at this photo for weeks on my desktop. It makes me smile every time I see it. I love Kai's face, Gaby's girliness, Noah's total comfort level, and B's attempt at a smile. And Meg and Spencer just look good and happy. I think this photo captured a moment in time that will make me smile for years to come.

Meg had a great photographer in the valley do the photo shoot. Her business is called Captured by Mikki. Check out the other photos from the photo shoot on her blog.

Introducing Miss Celia

2010-11-10T07:00:00.017-07:00

This little darling is baby Celia. She joins 4 older siblings, is greatly loved by all and is as sweet and delicious as she looks

I love babies. And the more babies join the family (and baby Celia is #21) the more my heart explodes with L-O-V-E. I can't believe how much each new baby splits me wide open with excitement and joy. And that love doesn't diminish any of the sweetness and delight I have in any of the other 20 n&ns that I still get to enjoy. I feel so, so lucky to have so many of them around. I know the parenting gig can be a tough one but I appreciate so much all of my siblings and their spouses and their willingness to be parents because the rewards for me as an auntie? They are incomparable.

In the meantime, check out my sister-in-law Cissy's blog where she shares more about this little sweetheart. And sit and stay for a spell. I love perusing Cissy's writing because she has such writerly way about her and knows how to tell a story simply and well.

Meanwhile, I'm planning my next opportunity to stop by and give little Celia another cuddle.

Queens of the Dance

2010-11-09T22:53:00.008-07:00

I'm "borrowing" most of this post wholesale from my darling niece Abby who writes on a private blog at http://babsaroni.blogspot.com. She is such a creative teenager who loves music and words and is poised to conquer the world with her gifts someday soon.

Tonight though she just made me LAUGH when she pulled out a video from this summer that features two of her aunts dancing for National Dance Day (inspired by the show So You Think You Can Dance). What do you think of the talent these two display?

These are Abby's words on the subject:

This is my FAVE video that my Aunt Julie (Brown hair) and my Aunt Cassie (Blonde hair) made. I'm suprised it only has 67 views. But I know we can get it to thousands... :)

Let's make Abby's dream come true by getting them more airtime and see if you don't bubble over with their crazy fun while you are watching. :)

What I Want

2010-11-08T17:00:00.083-07:00

I know it has been forever since I have written. I have a number of excuses handy about why that is the case but what it comes down to is this: I am mixed up about what to say. I want to say too much and not enough. So, I'm just going to get some of it out on the table. Here's the lowdown lately:

Work is going better than it has in a really long time. I feel more organized, I love the sunlight in my office, I like having all of my coworkers together in the same office suite, I like working in a beautiful building. Work is very left-brained for me but it certainly helps my right-brain side when I can work in beauty.
School is busy. Really, really busy.
The weight thing for me is nonstop, constant thing. I don't write about it here. I've written about it some on my other blog and that is for now where most of it is going to stay.
I am the ward newsletter editor right now in my church calling. It is actually a lot like the work I do every day--compiling content, editing it for access, making it palatable and interesting for consumption. I really enjoy getting to interact with lots of people to put the newsletter together. I also like that people seem to enjoy it so much. It makes me really happy.
I have a new niece (Matt and Cissy's little Celia) and two more n&n's are on the way. I certainly enjoy my weekends when I get the chance to spend some time with n&ns. Love those kiddies. Love them to pieces. They make my heart skip with excitement and love. I feel so, so lucky to be near so many of them and to have the chance to share love and cuddles with them.

Now down to what I want. Between school, work, and my church calling, I spend a lot of time at the computer. My old home computer has been out of commission for at least a year and I've been using a laptop from work at home when I needed it. What I realize more and more is that I need a better set up at home. New computer, a working printer and a scanner. And that is just to get the newsletter done each month. That doesn't count finances, photos, music and all the other personal life organization I like to stay on top of.

So, here is my wish list.

An iMac:

A laser printer:

A Fujitsu ScanSnap:

That is to get my office in working order. If I was really, really rolling in dough, I would add this to the list.

An iPad:

Finally, I heard a rumor that very, very soon Verizon and Apple are going to announce this event:

Verizon iPhone:

And that is something that makes me very, very excited. Just call me a Mac fangirl. I am one through and through.

I know money can't buy happiness--just like you. But it certainly can buy some pretty sweet toys. :)

Inaugural Summer Ball

2010-08-30T13:52:00.003-06:00

Thanks to Megan's persistence and Mom's amazing dedication to the cause, they hosted and pulled off the first Family Summer Ball last week. All 36 of us--adults, teenagers, children and babies were present for the big night. I knew we would have fun but I must say it was MUCH more fun than I expected. We had such a great response to our first family ball that we are already planning next year's big event.

Mom, of course, outdid herself with all kinds of yummy treats, Julie made all the invitations, cards and labels, Megan found the gorgeous lights and she insisted that this was a fancy ball and we all dressed up in our finest. Rus provided the music and learning to waltz was free!

Highlight moments for me included:

watching the littles dance with each other--Gaby with Daven, Benson with Elle, Jamie Beth with Noah--and then watching brothers dance with sisters and all of them do it so sweetly. The kids really made this party such a blast!
seeing all the women show up in sparkly, twinkly dresses and big diamonds. The dressing up was almost as much fun as the dance.
watching Mom and Dad cut the rug on the big band dance numbers
seeing my brothers out on the dance floor having a really good time
wrapping it all up by dancing the electric slide as one big group.

For all the details and some incredible photography of that night, you must check out my sister-in-law Julie's blog. She took some excellent photos of the night that made it seem magical.

I can't wait until next year!

Ladies at Lunch

2010-08-05T16:05:00.004-06:00

A week ago, my mom invited my sisters and sisters-in-law to lunch at a new restaurant in town called La Jolla Groves. We went on a Thursday afternoon when the place was bustling and full of women, women, women. It was a beautiful, sunshine-filled spot with a delectable menu full of scrumptious selections. It seemed everyone was in bright colors and had big smiles. It was just a lovely afternoon. If I was a lady of leisure it is something I would want to do every week--enjoy an excellent lunch with good friends.

After lunch was over, I was the first to leave and as I walked out, I realized just how much I love all the women at that table. These are good women, filled with light, hard workers who make careful, deliberate decisions about family, home, education, ambition and future. These are women who love deeply and care whole-heartedly about their husbands, children, family and friends. They are accomplished, educated women with bright minds and immense talents. They are women who pray and serve and study the gospel. They have a vast array of gifts and skills and interests and yet they take the time to come together as family to help and bless each other. I feel so, so lucky to have them in my life.

I have two native sisters of my own who I love and adore and the sisters-in-law add a bevy of beautiful, gifted women that make me feel like they all have my back. I know that we had lunch in a gorgeous location with linen napkins and marble floors and I appreciated that beauty. But the joy that welled up inside of me came because of the goodness of these women who I sat and ate with, who I share my life with, who I've spent countless hours with at the family dinner table on Sundays. I've watched them all work and love and pray through good times and bad ones. They are good and fine people and I feel lucky to know them.

Thank you to my sisters, my friends.

Summer Plans

2010-06-25T02:50:00.009-06:00

Me at three years old at the town parade that kicked off the weeklong

fair & rodeo festivities. It was the big hurrah of the summer. I still love parades.

I've always been a bit of a late bloomer. I'm just now getting around to my summer plans when it is nearly July. I like things to sit and percolate in my mind a bit before I make some big decisions. I want plenty of time to survey my options. Get the lay of the land. Anticipate the curves ahead. Then finally make a decision. Here is my list for the summer of 2010:

Teach my three nephews to cook 10 basic meals
Hike to Stewart Falls
Hike Rock Canyon
Do some gardening (even if all it amounts to is pulling weeds and admiring my dad's garden and praising my sister's garden)
Learn how to utilize my CSA share of vegetables
Attend 2 family reunions
Play in the water
Lay on the grass and read books
Soak in the sunshine
Take a class
Finally take some of the n&ns to Golden Spike National Monument
Go at least 3 times to Thanksgiving Point Gardens
Go to Timpanogos Storytelling Festival
Attend a Scera Shell play
Go to Hale Center Theater
Take a road trip

It's an ambitious list. For the most part, I'm excited if I get to spend 20 minutes outside most days. I want this summer to be different. I want to enjoy every moment presented to me. I want "live deep and suck out all the marrow of life" and for me that tends to mean venturing further than the tidy comfort zone I usually inhabit.

How about you? What are your plans for the summer?

Foodie Weekend

2010-05-17T18:41:00.003-06:00

One of my friends came to town this weekend for a conference and we made a three-day affair out of the event. Amy got to attend her conference and Katy and I got to cook for her and all hang out together. These two love to talk about food, plan food and especially enjoy food. They both have some food allergies so it makes it even more fun to cook together because we get to discover food in new ways.

This is the menu from this weekend. Hopefully it sounds as good as it tasted.

Thursday

Dinner: Penne pasta with a garlic, veggie, ground turkey tomato sauce

Friday

Breakfast: Katy's Breakfast Burritos (eggs wrapped in a brown rice tortilla w/ almond mozzarella cheese, avocado and salsa)

Lunch: Hot, fresh gluten-free bread with almond butter and jam

Dinner: Brazilian night (black beans, garlic jasmine rice, kale sauteed in olive oil, lemon and garlic)

Saturday

Breakfast: Blueberry smoothies and eggs

Lunch [Brown bag while attending the conference): Salmon salad sandwich with avocado mayo, apples & carrots

Snacks: Trail mix, cashews, almonds, blackberries

Dinner: Pad Thai w/ asparagus at Noodles & Co.

Dessert: Cherry amaretto coconut ice cream

Sunday

Breakfast: Egg and toast

Lunch: Veggie tacos with fresh cilantro and feta

Snacks: Maple raspberry scones

Dinner: Garlic baked salmon with an avocado remoulade sauce, asparagus sauteed in olive oil, garlic & salt, spinach salad with chopped almonds, apples, blackberries with a citrus vinaigrette, zucchini and yellow squash veggie medley and crash hot potatoes

Dessert: Cookie dough coconut ice cream w/ 2 chocolate chip cookies

Monday

Breakfast: Tuscan Baked Eggs

Lunch: Hummus & Barbecue Onion Wrap

Thanks to several great food bloggers for sharing their excellent recipes. One not featured in this list is Elana at elanaspantry.com. We didn't have time to make her chocolate chip cookies or some of her other great recipes, but I utilize her recipes weekly in my daily cooking. It is such fun to be connected across the Internet to great people who cook well. I had my computer in the kitchen most of the weekend as I was referencing recipes and I realized with the iPad in existence, we are just steps away from having permanent computer screens in our kitchens so we can pull up any recipe in our collection of virtual recipes. Can't you see the iPad installed on the front of your kitchen cabinet so all of your recipes are eye level for you? That will be fun!

As far as pictures of all the food are concerned, I didn't snap a single photo. I think I get so absorbed in the cooking that I entirely forget (or I am too tired) to chronicle the event in photos. I will continue to work on incorporating more photos.

Also, after typing out this menu, I realize we consumed a lot garlic this weekend. I think staples in any kitchen include garlic, salt, lemons and olive oil. Those were used in abundance and they made everything taste yummy!

In addition to all of the good food, I pick up little tips and tricks from friends as we cook and experiment together. From Katy, I learned about the art of compiling her breakfast burritos and the way to warm a brown rice tortilla to perfection. From Amy, I learned about adventure as she experimented with several citrus vinaigrettes inspired by the ingredients available to her. From both, I get a delight in good food shared among friends.

Good friends and good food make for a great time.

The Cleaning Question

2010-05-12T19:20:00.004-06:00

I find that the mood to clean rarely strikes me. Mostly I dream--and I've said this before--that I am the displaced daughter of some extremely wealthy person who is now forced to live a Cinderella existence when I'm truly meant to live a life of pampered indulgence.

Cue your tiny violins.

I was built to recline on a chaise lounge all day and have my every need and want supplied by a dozen adoring servants who coddle me all day long, feed me grapes by hand, fan me delicately, and turn my chair every hour or so to capture the full benefit of the view from my tasteful mansion perched on my gorgeous, private island in the middle of the Caribbean Sea.

**Poof!**

And then I wake up to my dirty floor, my unfolded laundry and my paper piles. Surprisingly, the one time during the week that the cleaning bug usually hits me is Sunday morning. For some reason that is the day I get deep urges to mop the floor on my hands and knees, to fold laundry, to scrub the tub and to dust the light fixtures. Yet, Saturday morning? No such desire.

Saturday morning I want breakfast in bed and then lunch and finally dinner. On Saturday, my fantasy island dream is at full pitch.

I've tried various techniques to overcome this persistent lack of cleaning desire: I play loud music to encourage me to get up and get moving, I set the timer and convince myself I only have to clean for so long, and I've broken up the cleaning jobs into daily tasks so I don't have to do a major cleaning each weekend. Each of these techniques has met with a limited amount of success but not a permanent change.

So a few Saturdays ago, I decided to recreate Sunday morning at my house and see if I get the cleaning impetus to kick in. I opened all the blinds and I turned on General Conference. You know, listening to spiritual messages and basking in sunlight.

And what do you know? Better than show tunes, better than daily cleaning, better than setting a timer, I was suddenly in the mood to clean.

It has something to do with my brain. This oh-so-big noggin of mine always does it best work when it is distracted by an influx of wisdom and light. For example, in college I would be a disorganized, disheveled mess upon arriving at class some days but once the lecture started and my brain latched on to creative, insightful and meaningful ideas, I suddenly could see clearly. Look at my college notebooks and they are filled with scribbles, journal entries, and list after list after list that made sense and order out of what was once a mish-mash in my brain. It seems that what I crave most when cleaning is not only order and light in my environment but also order and light internally. It seems I can't get one without the other.

P.S. And I also like to write blog posts & journal entries in the middle of my cleaning events. So, back to unloading the dishwasher!

Who Am I Becoming?

2010-04-20T21:03:00.004-06:00

I'm speaking to the young women in our church (ward) tomorrow night. I've been excited about it for weeks. So much to say. So much to share. There are things I want to reassure them about, things I want to warn them against, things I wish I had known at that critical crux between childhood and adulthood that is the tumultuous teenage years. In some ways, I'm speaking to the girl I was twenty years ago--wanting to go back and firm up her faith in herself, bolster her confidence and tell her to smile in pictures, for pete's sake! I don't know what I was looking so glum about every time a photo was snapped in my teenage years, but please girly, look like unbridled joy wasn't the furthest thing from your mind. Or your face.

Sitting at the guest book table at my cousin Andrea's wedding. I remember that night was fun so I can only assume that my lack of cheerful countenance had something to do with the fact that I despised having my photo taken as I was convinced I was truly the Goodyear blimp and the size of a house. Oh, honey!

In some ways, I still feel firmly entrenched in my teenage years (how about you?). I still wish I was thinner, I have bad hair days, I can't wait until I grow up, and I'm sure fame and fortune are just around the corner.

I think mostly I want to reassure the girls tomorrow night about the decision-making years they have ahead of them. "Don't worry! You will make it," and "This too shall pass," and "Don't give up."

But I feel like a fraud trying to say those things. Mostly because I'm still working to believe them myself. Mostly because I don't want to rosy up the picture so much that I forget to warn them about the bumps and bruises that await them or the rough ride that some of them will endure. Mostly because it is often so easy to say in public what it is so hard to live in private.

And this week the private life just isn't living up to expectations. (Okay, seriously, how often does that happen?) Instead of walking into this talk cool as a cucumber, I will come off a rather harrowing week of finals at school, interviewing and replacing half my student staff at work, and a house that has needed a deep clean for nigh on three weeks now. Also, the fact that I've consumed more chocolate in the past week than I consumed in all of 2009 together puts me on the fast track for either a nervous breakdown or a break into a zen-like nirvana.

What I think I most want to say tomorrow is "Don't fear failure." It is the stuff and messiness of life that forces us to bend, pushes us to grow, and opens our eyes not only to our limitations but also to new possibilities. It is in responding to failure that you will build the successes in your life.

Don't let it sink you, don't let it mire down your hope, your faith or your relationship with God. It is often the easiest thing in the world to abandon Him in the midst of our pain. The harder road is to stay close to Him through the bad times. That is the path that takes greater courage and greater resiliency.

And that is the path the will bring you the joy and peace that "surpasseth all understanding."

And even teach you to smile.

Health Round Up: March 2010

2010-03-22T06:00:00.001-06:00

I've been in a bit of an incubation period lately. So many thoughts have been rolling around in my head for the last several months about health that I almost don't know where to begin.

Suffice it to say that in many ways I've decided to embrace my inner tree hugger. The more I study health and try to solve my own health issues, the more I am pulled deeply into a world of fresh, whole, real foods. The less packaging the better. The more natural the better. I look for local, organic and fresh in my food plans. What excites me about this process right now is that my mom and sister have been experimenting a bit as well and I love the synergy of learning things together and making delicious, yummy food that tastes great and is great for my body. Who knew that health could be so much fun???

I am, once again in my life, on a giant learning curve. I feel enthused and inspired by health one day and overwhelmed and vexed by all the changes the next day. But all in all I can't get enough. I've always been a bit higher on the learning side of things than the doing side so I'm really focusing on doing now and not just learning.

Here are some of the changes I've been incorporating in my life and some readings that have helped me along the way.

1. Buying raw milk: I've never been much of a milk consumer. I think I stopped drinking milk as a teenager and I've never taken up the habit again. I pretty much gave up cereal around that time too. I think I can count on one hand the number of times I have purchased a gallon of milk since I moved out on my own in college. I've always used other types of milk: rice milk, soy milk, almond milk and during the last couple of years coconut milk. My pantry is well stocked with almond milk and coconut milk but now I've purchased raw milk a few times in the last several months. Yummy! It makes me think about when we had a milk cow on our little farm in Burley and drinking fresh, creamy milk chilled to perfection. Maybe that's why I've never quite been able to stomach the pasteurized, homogenized variety on store shelves. This fresh-from-the-source milk just tastes so gooood!

2. Bought my first CSA vegetable share from a local farm: I am so excited about this. Lots of veggies, all organic and local and fresh from the vine. Most people agree there is just something different about eating a food fresh from its source--something that hasn't been picked early, wrapped in plastic and transported thousands of miles to hopefully ripen under the yellowish hue of fluorescent lights in your local big-box grocery store.

3. Working on purchasing pastured chicken, pork and beef from another local farmer: This excites me too. To know the source of my food, that I'm supporting my local economy and that I'm feeding my body the best nature has to offer. Animals that have been fed on natural grasses are full of omega 3s and a different kind of fat than the marbley white fat that we are all so used to seeing in our meat. That fat develops because beef are fed a heavy grain diet which allows them to pack on pounds quickly. When you look at grass-fed beef, the meat is not as marbled and the fat is more of a yellow color and much smaller.

4. Read a great blog NourishedKitchen.com that was featured on CNN in early March. This blogger had a real foods challenge with her readers for a month where everyone ate only foods that were local, fresh and not packaged. Can you imagine not consuming any packaged food for a month? Not a bit of packaged food at all? It was kind of inspiring to read what they made and how they ate for that month.

I'm working on incorporating more and more real foods in my life. I'm thrilled with some of the great recipes that have been coming into my life because of this research. I hope to be able to share more and more of those over the next few months.

In the meantime, here is one I plan on testing out this week with some great root vegetables, small red potatoes and a whole chicken. It comes from one of my favorite food bloggers, Elise, over at simplyrecipes.com and is titled "Keller's Roast Chicken." Anyone want to try it out with me?

RECIPE: Hummus and Barbecue Onion Wrap

2010-02-26T10:00:00.004-07:00

Hello friends! I've missed you. A thousand times a week, I think "I should blog about that" and then it seems time slips out of my hands. And by that, I mean if I'm not at work or school then I'm doing the essentials like sleeping or brushing my teeth.

So, here I am finally blogging about something. A delicious little wrap that I made the other night and loved, loved, loved. It comes from my new favorite cookbook The Whole Life Nutrition Cookbook which comes from one of my favorite bloggers, Ali at the Whole Life Nutrition Kitchen blog (www.nourishingmeals.com). Ali and her delicious recipes have helped me expand my food horizons and my nutrient profile. I like her green smoothies (who knew that kale was so delicious first thing in the morning?) and her maple raspberry scones which were my first foray into mixing flours in gluten-free cooking, and her apple crisp which introduced me to the wonders of coconut sugar.

I feel the same way about her cookbook. It has pages and pages of great, nourishing recipes that taste good. When I ran across the wrap below, it sounded so good that my mouth immediately started watering and I knew I had to try it out. Read it with me and see if your mouth goes into paroxysms of delight as well.

RECIPE: Hummus and Barbecue Onion Wrap
from Whole Life Nutrition Kitchen Cookbook, p. 350, by Alissa Segersten

Barbecue Onion
2 large red onions
1 Tbsp. extra virgin olive oil
pinch sea salt
2 to 3 Tbsps. organic, gluten-free barbecue sauce

The Wrap
2 brown rice tortillas, warmed (either in microwave for 30 seconds or in a pan)
1/2 cup of hummus
1/2 cup barbecued onion
1 small carrot, grated
1/2 small zucchini, shredded
1/2 cup finely sliced romaine lettuce

1. To make the barbecued onions, remove the skins from the onion, cut in half, and then thinly slice in crescent moons. Heat large stainless steel skillet over medium heat, add the olive oil, then add the sliced onions and a pinch of sea salt.

2. Saute the onions for about 7 to 10 minutes or until the onions are very soft. Remove for heat and stir in barbecue sauce. Onions can be stored in an airtight container in the refrigerator for up to a week.

3. To assemble the wrap, place the tortilla on to a flat surface or plate. Spread 1/2 of the hummus evenly over one side of the tortilla. Place 1/2 of the barbecued onions, shredded carrot, shredded zucchini, and thinly sliced romaine lettuce into a line in the middle of the wrap.

4. Tightly roll, and then cut in half. Serve immediately or wrap in waxed paper for later use.

I didn't have any romaine lettuce or zucchini on hand so I substituted both for some finely chopped fresh spinach. Also, I used roasted garlic hummus because I wanted some extra zing that I don't find in regular hummus. I found a great barbecue sauce too that was gluten-free and is a new staple in my pantry now. Then I made my first batch and oooohhhhhhh wow! I suddenly knew I had another keeper recipe on my hands.

I took a sample to one of my main taste testers (Meg) and got a thumbs up, so back to the kitchen I went to perfect my technique. In the meantime, I called over a couple of friends and we had a little impromptu dinner party and ate these to our hearts' delight. There is just something about barbecue and onions and wrap that seemed to make all go right in the world that night.

So try these and see if they make you smile too. You might even find yourself in the midst of your own impromptu dinner party.

A Little Rearranging

2010-01-31T09:49:00.004-07:00

This has been the arrangement of my living room for at least the last year. The table across from the couch, the large yellow chair in the corner by the front door.

I had concluded with my limited space and with other failed rearrangements in the past that this was the best working arrangement for the room. The yellow chair is so big that it tends to swallow the space it is in and the table is petite enough that it fits comfortably on the short wall between the door to my storage room and the unused, locked door to my landlady's storage room (which she accesses from a door in the other part of her basement).

The table was adequate next to the wall especially if I was only feeding one or two or even three people. But when I invited people over for dinner (like our roommate Christmas party above) I had to pull the table out into the center of the room. Which worked fine once every few months although it made it awkward to get around the table and I had to make sure I was always seated closest to the kitchen so I could serve the food.

Then it really started to be a bother me this fall and winter when my weekly Sunday niece/nephew ritual with the littles grew to the number six. With six kiddies running and playing and building blocks and legos, floor space was at a premium. But if I was going to feed them lunch, we had to pull the table out from the wall which reduced the floor space. We tried to eat picnic style in the kitchen but the smallest of the littles have a hard time handling food in bowls and cups of water on the floor, so a table was necessary. So, we would haul the table out, reduce the floor space and squish our traffic patterns around the table. It wasn't practical. The table had to be more accessible for my sanity and our combined enjoyment.

And this is the result. I made the living room area more intimate and cozy by putting the yellow chair directly across from the couch and put the bookcase in the awkward space next to the unused door.

There is now room for the table to be out from the wall and put four chairs around it and when I need to feed six kids I pull out two folding chairs and everyone has room and the table doesn't impede traffic, so the kids can eat lunch comfortably and run around and play without either activity hindering the other.

I even put in the two leaves that I've never used for the table and stretched it out to its full length and what do you know? I can seat a party of eight now if I really, really want to! Anyone want to come for dinner?

That's when my rearranging felt inspired.

I'm still thinking I need that art intervention though. The bare walls could use some love.

The New Year Can Now Begin

2010-01-15T19:39:00.006-07:00

Everybody miss me?

I missed you too!

I've been a bit buried for the last six days, six weeks and six months. My stress level has been about mach 10 for most of that time and I kind of threw down this week and had a bit of a wallow in the woe-is-me pit of despair. And now I've tidied up from that, finished the last grad school application and I'm suddenly grasping around wondering what is next other than the hurry-up-and-wait stretch that continues from now until the spring. I'm hoping to get back to blogging a bit more now. In the meantime, here are some selections from all those grad school applications I've been pouring over.

During the last several years, I have had a number of experiences that have inspired me to pursue graduate studies in marriage and family therapy. I now realize that these experiences were building on strengths and abilities that I have always possessed, but that I have not been able to fully act upon in the various employment paths I have taken.

For the last eight years, I’ve worked full-time as a web editor for an academic journal. I was originally hired as a writer for this position and it developed into an editorial position. I have always loved writing and I use it as a creative outlet, so during this work experience I seriously contemplated pursuing graduate work in writing. Yet, I couldn’t seem to settle into it as a profession. I kept feeling like there was more I was supposed to do. In part, this was due to the fact that I have always been fascinated by relationships, people and teasing apart the layers and complexities that make us human. I’ve also had a nearly insatiable desire to listen to others’ stories, their truths, their heartaches and their realities.

A turning point came three years ago after fighting a lifelong battle with my own weight, I took a health class at the university taught by Dr. Steven Hawks that focused on eating disorders, intuitive eating as a counter approach to these disorders and the psychology of the eating disorder spectrum that affects so many women in the United States. I knew after that class that I wanted to spend the rest of my life working with women and girls countering and confronting the dark lies that permeate too many women’s minds in our country. This is where my interest in family therapy grew. I am fascinated by the role that relationships play in contributing to an individual’s health and well-being and particularly the family influence on the development and treatment of these disorders.

That is just a taste of where I'm going next. I'm excited for all the fun to get underway. Hopefully they are ready for me.

The Thanksgiving Cooking Experiment

2009-12-20T19:05:00.000-07:00

I have not a single photo from Thanksgiving this year. My mind was a bit preoccupied with the menu. If I can scavenge some photos from my family I will post them. In the meantime, if you want to check out our LOVELY Thanksgiving table take a look at my sister-in-law Michelle's post on her blog regarding all of her hard work.

My November had been filled to overflowing with school, school, school and applications for graduate school and the GRE and work that I had barely a moment to breathe. But I promised myself a whole day of cooking for Thanksgiving. Since my allergy-free diet, I don't eat wheat or gluten and that was going to put a big cramp in any major dining at the table since stuffing, rolls, pie and often the turkey have gluten in them. So, I was going to create an entire Thanksgiving meal that was gluten-free.

We didn't actually have our dinner until the Friday of Thanksgiving weekend so that gave me all day Thursday to cook and bake. It was a good thing too because I needed all that time.

The menu included:

Balsamic roasted turkey with apple stuffing from elanaspantry.com

Cranberry, almond, apple spinach salad

Ground turkey and mushroom stuffing (my riff on my Grandma J's classic stuffing)

Mashed red potatoes

Gluten-free gravy from glutenfreegirl.blogspot.com

Gluten-free dinner rolls from glutenfreegirl.blogspot.com

Pumpkin pie with almond flour crust from The Gluten-free Almond Flour Cookbook

It was a little bit insane. Mostly because every recipe but the salad and the potatoes was brand-new for me. Eeek! What was I thinking? Not to mention, I started the whole shebang out with making my own chicken stock too--another first! I needed a great chicken stock as the base for my gravy and stuffing and I had frozen several chicken bones from past roasted chickens and I decided to turn them into a chicken stock. I cobbled together a chicken stock recipe by pulling bits and pieces from some of my favorite cooks and started simmering a huge stockpot on my tiny white oven. It made enough chicken stock not only for Thanksgiving recipes but I also froze several packages of it as well to use in later recipes.

The stock turned out great and smelled so good as it simmered on the stove. It totally put me in the mood for a day of cooking and baking. Good thing too because that mood was going to get stretched a bit thin. The turkey turned out well, the salad was good, the potatoes were a bit dry b/c I didn't mix them until right before dinner and I was kind of harried at that point. The gravy, stuffing, rolls and pie were each pretty time intensive and here's why:

Gravy: I made this very, very last right before dinner was served. What I didn't realize was that I would spend about a half an hour over the stove experimenting with the thickness and trying to get it just right. I was completely bushwhacked at this point so that is likely my memory could be elongating the time it took. The consistency turned out fine but I think to kick it up a notch next time, I will add a bit more seasoning and salt in the beginning so that it zings more.

Stuffing: The stuffing actually turned out much better than I imagined and was probably the biggest success of my adventure. For the bread base, I used a mix from Pamela's that was expensive but worth every penny in the end because the bread was good and spongey and soaked up the chicken stock and flavors from the mushrooms, turkey and seasoning very well.

Rolls: The rolls were good especially for my first real attempt at rolls from scratch and using a mixture of gluten-free flours that would have quelled me with fright a few months ago. I actually ended up making two batches of these though because I needed more than a single batch and didn't realize this until they came out of the oven. Also, the texture of the rolls is a bit more biscuit-like. They were not light, airy dinner rolls so while the taste was excellent, I would prefer to find a roll that more closely mimics my idea of a soft, fluffy dinner roll.

Pumpkin pie: This recipe needed the most finessing as my crust burned on my first attempt. I tried it again and this time, I cut the baking time in half, cooked the pumpkin mixture mostly on the stove and then covered the almond flour crust with aluminum foil when I put the two together and back in the oven. This time the pumpkin pie was much better. I still need some work on perfecting that almond flour crust but all in all it was an admirable pie for another first.

So, you can see why taking photos was the last thing on my mind with all that cooking. The problem is that I need to take photos of what I am cooking though too. It helps my memory of the event and it makes it more fun to blog about too. Maybe that can be one of resolutions for the new year? Take food photos!

I took all of my food over to my parents' house for Thanksgiving where my mother served 52 people--bless her heart! I had one cousin at dinner who is gluten-free as well so she got to enjoy my food too and of course, I put it out for everyone else to taste and try as well. Michelle put together a fabulous table that stretched out to incorporate all the adults and teenagers. The nearly 20 children had their own tables that she decorated as well out in the garage.

All in all it felt like a spectacular Thanksgiving with the best people, the best food and lots of thankful hearts.

Highlights from November 2009

2009-12-18T18:26:00.000-07:00

Again, I'm doing a short recap of the events that marked my month as most of it seemed to pass in a blur. The photos help me clarify what stood out during this month.

B's birthday. What made this day such a big deal was the fact that the little tyke had been talking about his birthday for no less than six months. He was SO EXCITED. It could not be contained.

Cissy and I driving to SLC to see the Pioneer Woman at The King's English Bookshop. We were some of the last people to get in to hear her speak and this photo was my best attempt after aiming over the heads of the crowd.

PW got done speaking around 7:30PM and Cissy and I headed across the street for dinner. We had a numbered place in line and we knew we had a long wait ahead of us. So, we got to try out this darling little bistro called The Paris. Love the name and loved the food. They serve organic and locally raised fresh foods and it was delicious. We warmed ourselves with pumpkin butternut soup and I had The Paris Salad with red d'anjou pears, goat cheese, maple-glazed pecans and a honey vinaigrette. So yummy!

This is Pioneer Woman's sister-in-law Missy who she raves about often on her site. Missy spent her time taking photos of all of us and chatting. Also, as Cissy and I were freezing outside in the line, we ran into PW's mother-in-law and spent about a half an hour talking to her about Oklahoma, ranching life and the book tour. Both women were down to earth, relaxed and happy. It was great fun to spend some time with them.

It took us three hours to get to this fateful spot of finally meeting the Pioneer Woman. Bless her heart, can you imagine what it must of been like on her side of that desk? To spend a few minutes with women and have photo after photo taken and to sign book after book? It must have been exhausting. We were so excited to meet her though and happy we had waited. I'm so glad that Cissy wanted to go too. It made for a great night for both of us and I had so much fun with her.

This is after one of our regular Sunday dinners. I call this one "The Quorum." There was something about all of those white shirts standing together laughing and teasing each other with my two nephews joining in on the fun that just squeezed my heart. My brothers are good men and I see them modeling how to be good men and good fathers to my nephews and it gives me goosebumps. Love all these boys!

Maxwell and Jorgen who are both getting so tall that they are reminding me of my brothers at this same age.

My three older brothers: Rus, Adam holding baby Liv, and Ric. Love this trio.

Papa Bear relaxing after dinner. He taught all of us his rock solid values and core goodness. I love seeing my brothers emulate those gifts.

That is just a taste of some of what made up my November. It was a month to be thankful for many things and recording it here helps me be grateful once again.

Halloween 2009

2009-12-17T00:00:00.000-07:00

Halloween this year the weather was warm and gorgeous. Much like last year too. And with the extended time for daylight savings, we started trick or treating in the 5PM hour and still made it around most of the neighborhood before dark. That is much different than previous Halloweens where it is so freezing cold outside that we have to bundle the kids up in big jackets and then drive them around the neighborhood so they don't freeze in the pursuit of candy. I like the warm weather way so much more. Plus, it turns the neighborhood into one big circle of visiting as we run into each other and swap stories and have a chat. Sign me up for more Halloweens like this one, please!

October 2009 Highlights

2009-12-16T09:00:00.000-07:00

I've missed so many events the last few months. So many stories and memories that I want to remember. Here are some highlights from October 2009.

School Lunch

Cute Noah and Gaby asked me to be their visitor for lunch at school on the designated visitor day. I haven't been in a school lunch room in a really, really long time but I loved every second of hanging out with them. We saw many neighbors and friends and even cousins at lunch. Afterwards, we went to the school library with all 900 other visitors to play "Sardines" in the tiny school library that was chock full of delectable items for the book fair. We bought a few things at the book fair and I kissed everyone goodbye and went on my way. I love these kiddos!

Noah's smile cracks me up. Lunch was pizza and chocolate milk.

We found the cousins and got a photo.

Birthday

My birthday this year was great. Meg and I spent the day cooking from a new cookbook she gave me and Katy and I went on a hike and then we came back to Meg's and watched an Austen movie while we gave each other foot massages. The next day we celebrated with the whole family at Sunday dinner at Ric and Tami's house.

Great vanilla torte

Meggie just a few days away from delivery

Cassie and Katy on hand to celebrate

Me with baby girl

This was the chocolate cake that Meg and I made. Loved the marshmallow frosting. It was all gluten-free, made with almond flour and agave nectar. The best part was the family loved it and ate every last drop.

Baby Mac Birth

I posted my version of this story a couple of months ago. I have more photos of this event but per strict instruction, I am not allowed to post them. At one point in the birth Meg looked at me and said "These are not going on your blog!"

The one official photo shortly after we arrived a the hospital

Visit to Baby Cole and Family

We had the chance to make a quick day trip down to St. George to see Brock and Julie's new baby. It really was a quick drive with Dad's plan of leaving at 5:00AM. He drove while the rest of us slept and magically we arrived at their doorstep at 9:30AM. Then we spent the day with the family before driving home that night.

Cassie in the chair that everyone knows about who regularly drives to St. George.

Brock playing with Mason's new toy from Nana and Papa. Let's just say that Mason definitely has a buddy who liked his new toy.

Sweet baby Cole just a couple of weeks old. He was tiny! I was afraid I might break him. Luckily shortly after this trip he really caught on to the mama's milk idea and he chunked up to a delicious state of baby yumminess by the time he made his first trip to Nana's house.

Lunch for the whole crew. You can just see Mason's red shirt behind Julie as he climbed over the booth away from us. That boy does not sit still.

The Brock and Julie clan. Love our St. Georgians!

Sunday Afternoon

This was a Sunday afternoon when the kids most needed a chance to get outside and out of mama's hair so she and the new baby could rest. You can see that October was mild and beautiful, so we had ourselves a nice walk around the neighborhood.

Of course, the crowning point of the walk is to stop at the cousin's house and play for a little while. Which worked out great for me as it gave Cissy and me the chance to have a nice, leisurely chat.

And then back home to take this wee one off his mama's hands and hold and snuggle him for a blissful hour.

I had too many photos of Halloween to include them in this recap. Between birthday and new babies though, October was full of fun.

C'est fini

2009-12-15T16:19:00.002-07:00

Well, I did it. I submitted my application today and paid the fee. For better or worse I've done all I can do up to this moment to make this a reality and to change the course of my future. I hope it is enough.

The application date used to be January 15th, a much more sane date in my opinion. What a luxury to have all of Christmas break to finalize this process and dot every "i" and cross every "t." That date has passed by me the last four years and pinched me with a "Why are you not applying? or "When are you going to get in gear and go to graduate school?" and left me feeling a bit forlorn as I tried to determine exactly what my next step was going to be.

There is still more that needs to be done. I kept thinking once finals week was over and my application was turned in, my life would slow down. That is not to be though at least for another month or so. I am applying to two other schools, possibly taking the GRE again, finishing up some other loose ends for school, continuing my research for one of the MFT professors and then starting another semester of classes. Oh, yes, and continuing to work full-time.

Here is what has taken up my time the last few months when I wasn't at work:

statistics class (really turned out to be far less painful than I anticipated--big blessing)
research methodology class (harder and more interesting than I thought it would be)
GRE preparation and studying
review of literature for an MFT professor
volunteering at the state mental hospital
application process: statement of intent, letters of recommendation, etc.

In all of that I have missed writing here. Missed it, missed it, missed it. Writing for me is like breathing: fundamental and foundational to my life. My only real concern about committing myself fully to this graduate school path was that somehow I was turning my back on my dream of being a writer. Yet, as I tried to pursue the creative writing path professionally, I kept feeling like I was missing something. I don't feel that way anymore. I feel like the path I am on will only enhance and inform my writing since what I've always loved writing about are people, feelings and relationships. I think my writing will benefit my studies and my studies will benefit my writing.

Also, I am surprised by how much I have been able to accomplish and do this last year and especially the last four months. It has been scary, hard, overwhelming but also fun, energizing, and exhilarating. In some ways it just feels right. A friend told me the other day that I looked "serene." Really? Me? I know that I have felt a solidity and a strength in my life that hasn't been there for a long, long time. I've spent a protracted period wandering in an emotional wilderness trying to figure out my life, my contribution in the world and my purpose. I'm not sure all of those questions have been answered but I certainly feel strongly that I am making steps in the right direction. Which makes me all squishy with tears and weeping as I think of how grateful I am for everyone that has helped me along the way.

And grateful that for now, it is finished. We will see what tomorrow brings.

Yipee!

Joy & Gratitude

2009-12-12T18:48:00.005-07:00

The older I get, the more I see a straight path where I want to go. If you’re going to hunt elephants, don’t get off the trail for a rabbit.-- T. Boone Pickens

I spent my undergraduate years in college with the firm belief that I needed to explore several majors before I came to a clear conclusion about what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. I plowed my way through English, art history, communications and then found humanities. What I loved about my humanities degree was that it did not force me to specialize in one field but allowed me to gain a breadth of knowledge in art, music, history, dance, architecture, English and languages. I was thirsty for beauty and that degree supplied me with many ways of looking at beauty.

While I'm happy with that decision, what I want now is one topic, one subject that I can pour my heart and soul into and not look back. One subject that I can dive into deeply and drink my fill. One specialization where I can hone my gifts so that I may utilize them well throughout my life.

I think I've found it.

I've had this niggling worry at the back of my mind since my first college years though that once I made a decision, I would be tied down, forced to work in one field, unable to explore other areas, hampered creatively and stifled by that decision. Now, I realize that fear was unfounded. As I have immersed myself in marriage and family therapy, I've found just the opposite: excitement, enthusiasm, greater creativity, motivation, inspiration and insight about this work that I want to do. I'm bearing many more burdens with this goal of mine and yet I'm not as emotionally taxed. I have far more on my plate but I'm making better use of my time. I have mountains of expectations and deadlines but I'm actually reaching them. All of this making for a journey that is equal parts terrifying and exhilarating.

I can't say enough about friends, mentors, advisors, teachers and family members who have helped me, blessed me, guided me in some way. From a kind neighbor/professor who edited my letter of intent just because she wanted to help me, to professors who have sat and discussed my professional goals with me, to loved ones who have prayed for me and to mentors who blew on the tiny embers of my dream and built a roaring fire of belief and confidence inside of me. I know it takes a village to raise a child but I'm coming to believe that it takes a village for a dream to reach fruition as well. What a great village!

I've ridden a roller coaster of emotions the last several weeks and hit some nose-bleed highs and some cavernous lows. And I'm having fun! I'm thinking it must be because now I'm out hunting elephants and I'm done getting sidetracked by rabbits.

Face Your Fears

2009-11-16T18:48:00.003-07:00

"In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing." ---Theodore Roosevelt

I'm out doing things. Be they right or wrong things, I'm working myself out of the habit of doing nothing when faced with fears, decisions, and issues.

Pray for me. Only 30 days left until my application for graduate school is due. I'm putting myself on the line. I'm risking it all. I'm hoping for the best.

The Night of Spooks and Ghouls

2009-10-31T16:46:00.003-06:00

It is Halloween! I wish a great night to all of you.

And yes, I did some deep breathing, got some sleep and have officially decided:

That to blog after 10:00PM is my version of drunk dialing. It was that bad, people.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!

Too-Stuffed Day

2009-10-30T22:40:00.005-06:00

I head into a day like today deluding myself that I'm going to feel awesome when it is all over and I've checked off so many items on my to-do list. Then at the end of such a day the reality hits me like a brick: IT IS NOT TRUE.

So, I'm naming some of the feelings I am cycling through at the close of today: guilt, more guilt, greater guilt, stressed, tired, overwhelmed.

That completed to-do list is an ephemeral, pie-in-the-sky fantasy of a weak mind. Yet, I can't let go of its shiny promise and squeaky-clean virtue. And thus I set myself up for such a day as follows:

6:23AM Roll out of bed twenty minutes after alarm. Groggy.

Shower, breakfast, dress, hair, make-up, make bed, load dishwasher, pack lunch, dinner, snacks and water for the day, pack school bag, food bag, temple bag.

7:45AM Carry too-many bags to car and realize this is why my friend calls me "the bag lady."

7:55AM Get to oil change shop and am first in line just like I planned; Try to decide which of the many bags I take into the shop with me to keep occupied while waiting. Hope I can get out of there in under 40 minutes.

8:30AM Oil change, emissions inspection, headlight changed, back window washer part fixed; so elated at the fast timing and all the work done, that I pay the bill and leave the shop forgetting my school bag in the waiting room.

8:45AM Head to doctor's appointment in Alpine. Fill up the car with gas. Realize I'm missing my school bag. Call the oil change shop and have them hold on to it for me until I can get back to that part of town later in the day. Now all that schoolwork I was going to do while waiting at the doctor's office? Won't happen.

9:00AM Stop by chiropractor's office on way to doctor's appointment. They are both 20-30 minutes away from my house so I congratulate myself on dovetailing these two appointments. Plus, my back has really been hurting again.

9:15AM Sit in massage chair after adjustment and try to keep my moans of pleasure to a minimum as I spend ten delicious minutes in that particular heaven.

9:50AM Arrive at doctor's appointment 10 minutes early.

10:30AM Finally get my name called. They take my stats: blood pressure, pulse, temperature and my all-time favorite one: weight.

11:00AM Spend twenty minutes with doctor. Reminds me why I like her. She and I are on the same page philosophically about health. Love that. Read my favorite natural health magazine while waiting. (Would have done it anyway--school bag or no school bag. Just have a hard time admitting that beforehand).

11:45AM Stop at grocery store on way back to town because I'm completely out of toilet paper. Qualifies as emergency in my house.

12:05PM Pick up school bag at oil change shop. Not my most effective use of time that day.

12:30PM Stop at sister's house on my way back to work to drop off some meds I had picked up for her at the doctor's office. She has a house full of sick kids and a new baby. Spend two blissful minutes cuddling newborn.

1:00PM Land back at my desk at work. Feeling upbeat, energetic; Scarf down lunch.

1:15PM First inkling that something is not right in our little web division. One student programmer huffy, the other proposing solutions. Have to get a press release out and no time to sort through particulars.

1:59PM Leave last step on press release for assistant. Head to class. Late for the third time this week. I HATE walking into class late.

2:55PM Arrive back at desk with Halloween candy. Hoping to get everybody back on their feet and sort through the huffy brewing emotional slew from earlier.

3:15PM No time to sort. One problem with website, next problem, another problem, more problems. It is turning into one of those days where chunks of website are malfunctioning. We all move into emergency mode. Must get on top of the current rash of malfunctions.

4:30PM Between the four of us, major issues are resolved. Two students head home. The other--the one I will call Grumpy--appears in my office to unload his story of website woe. I spend the next hour cajoling, wheedling, comforting and putting him back together so he can put our website back together.

6:00PM Finally, peace and quiet for the first time.

6:02PM Time to sort my own emergency issues for the work day and handle most important items.

7:20PM Stop. Remember that I owed my part of a group project earlier that day. Hurry and wrap up my part and email it to my group. Scarf down dinner.

7:50PM Turn off the lights at work.

7:55PM Walk in to temple. Just in time to make the last session.

10:05PM Driving home. Awash in guilt. Too-busy day.

Did you learn anything from my day? My takeaway: Too-stuffed days leave me in a puddle of feelings which I must spend the next hour analyzing--thus messing up my need to go to bed so I can get up the next day and start another day all over again.

I need to relax.

I will put it on my list.

Baby Time

2009-10-25T17:00:00.000-06:00

Sweet Baby Mac, just hours old, in my arms.

Last week I had the chance to attend the birth of my little nephew. Let's call him Baby Mac.

My sister asked me several months ago to be her birth partner or doula through this experience. I was thrilled with the chance to do so. I had talked to her over the phone through the labor of her 2nd child and I had been invited to be her birth partner on baby #3. Now, she was up to baby #4 and I was invited again.

Her hubby, of course, was present and active during the delivery as her number one support. I was there specifically to assist her as she was birthing unmedicated. I know there is a whole realm of discussion about natural childbirth or medicated childbirth. My view of the whole discussion comes down to "As long as mama and baby are healthy and well then it is a win-win situation whichever way you go." I respect every woman's choice for her own birth experience. That said, I definitely am fascinated by natural/unmedicated childbirth and I've been lucky enough to get to participate with my sister through her own experiences with this kind of childbirth.

What my job was during the birth was to have toolbox of ideas and techniques to help Meg through the birth. Her whole focus--obviously--was centered on baby and getting him here. My job was to do whatever I could to make her as comfortable and supported through that process. We had discussed her desires for the birth, any interventions, and the baby's aftercare. I was there to make sure that those wishes were carried out when Meg was occupied with the all-encompassing process of birthing baby. More importantly though, I was there to tune in to Meg. What did she need? What did she want? What part of her body ached? Was she tensing up? What words would encourage her? Were the lights down low? Was soothing music playing? Was she hot? Was she cold? Tired? Hungry? Thirsty? Did she need to move? Change positions? Get in the tub? Go to the bathroom? Go for a walk?

My focus was to anticipate her needs and carry them out.

Here are a few things that I did during the birth:

Foot massages--Meg really likes these and they help her whole body to calm down and relax.
Light touch massage--think of someone lightly tickling your back or arms. Makes me want to fall asleep usually.
Brushed my teeth & popped breath mints throughout time there because I kept leaning over and whispering in her ear or talking close to her face and I didn't want my possible bad breath to distract her focus.
Applied cold washcloths to her forehead and back of neck when she suddenly got really hot during part of her labor.
Wrapped her in blankets when her teeth chattered and she was shivering
Spoke encouraging words often
Walked with her
Vocalized with her
Helped back and forth to bathroom and in and out of the tub
Communicated with nurses and midwife for her
Suggested new positions for her try
Used acupressure to help her during harder contractions
Constantly offered her water to make sure she stayed hydrated
Made sure she ate yogurt, juice, crackers immediately after birth to help her blood sugar
When she hit the "I can't do this" moment, made sure that we got in different positions and moved and did anything we could to help her through that moment

Now looking over that list I know that it was a small contribution compared to the true work that Meg was doing. But certainly it was more than just holding her hand or standing helplessly by as she went through the birth alone. I hope it eased her way somewhat.

While Baby Mac's birth story is not my story to share, I did have a few thoughts and impressions from my own viewpoint of that day.

Childbirth is simply an astounding process. That a child can be breathing fluids one moment and air the next moment, that a woman's body can manage to expel an 8-pound human being out of tiny crevice in her own body, that no conscious thought went into the creation of a ten tiny fingers and toes, two functioning lungs, a full skeletal frame, two bright eyes, and a brain that is so delicate and magnificent at the same moment that we as humans haven't even begun to understand it---this is a breathtaking experience.

I like it when my normally mild sister gets a little feisty. Favorite feisty moment had to be when she was tired and beleaguered after a prolonged pushing phase and the nurse suggested a bit too sugar sweetly that Meg just pick a goal (like 15 minutes) and shoot for that goal. Meg's response: "I don't want a goal!" which could have been translated "And anyone who suggests such idiocy again can get a razor-sharp dagger and plunge it in her eye, thank you very much!" Don't mess with the mama bear in labor.

When my sister cries--either out of pain or joy--I cry too.

I suspect there is nothing quite as heroic and tender as watching a man hold his wife close as she endures the pangs of life-giving labor.

The unbridled relief that washes through the room when baby finally arrives and is pronounced whole and well and is delivered immediately to his mama's waiting arms. Those first, brief moments of mother-love are priceless.

I've spent the last week stealing over to Meg's house as often as possible to snuggle, cuddle, and just look at Baby Mac. Why are new babies so fascinating? Why can I can spend so much time just looking at him and memorizing his features and his toes and his eyes? Why is there nothing on earth quite as delicious as a new baby? The chubby cheeks, the soft skin, that new baby smell?

Each one is a miracle.

Waiting . . .

2009-10-12T18:19:00.004-06:00

Just a brief rundown of life as I know it, right now.

Awesome birthday this weekend. Did a lot of cooking with my sister and went on a hike. Watched a Jane Austen movie and ate chocolate with friends. It was LOVELY.
Got a great cookbook and made a chocolate, gluten-free cake from it that everyone ate this weekend at family dinner.
Launched a new website at work and somehow survived.
Made an apple crisp that I ate for breakfast this morning too. Yummy.
Primary program in two weeks. Forty children must be on their marks right on time and sing angelically. I will remember to breathe after the program is over.
Didn't exercise a lick last week. Except for the hike. Got to get back on that bandwagon.
Studying. Studying. Studying.

And most important and very most exciting. Waiting for baby #4 to show up for my sister. I'm excited for her for this event and excited for another sweet new baby. My brother Brock and his wife, Julie, had sweet baby Cole Dallen last week, so with Meg's new arrival we will have two little cousins who are just a few weeks apart in age. I love watching these babies grow up together.

In the meantime, keep praying for Meg as we await the arrival of this new little munchkin. I'm excited she wants me in the delivery room and I'm thrilled to get to witness once again this miracle called birth.

A Wonder

2009-10-01T23:20:00.000-06:00

This event needs to be noted for posterity--or just for me. Miracles do occur, my friends and this is one of them.

I needed to make an early morning stats lab today and I had to be on campus before 8AM if I was going to make it.

So, I got up at 5AM, went to the gym, came home and showered, had breakfast, loaded the dishwasher, threw in a load of laundry, studied scriptures, then did the full hair and makeup routine, packed a bag with lunch and dinner and made it out the door by 7:30AM. I stopped for gas, got on campus, parked and made it to the lab at 7:50AM--a entire ten minutes before I was due.

And then I sat there, literally, stunned. Have I ever been on campus before 8AM in full hair and makeup, well-rested from a full night's sleep, having exercised and studied scriptures and with a bag packed with meals for a full day?

I do not think so. My usual state that early would have been groggy from lack of sleep or dressed haphazardly with hair pulled back in a ponytail and no makeup. I certainly would not have exercised and studied scriptures. And to arrive ten minutes early as well? The universe was smiling on me today.

Like I said, just wanted to note this for posterity sake.

Okay, and maybe acknowledge that every once in a while, I get it right. So right, that it seems aliens have inhabited my body.

Juggling

2009-09-25T06:00:00.002-06:00

via istockphoto.com

I want to go to graduate school.

I work full-time. I have friends, family, church, and personal responsibilities (like all of you). This semester I've shaved off every unnecessary, extraneous time filler in my life and even seriously cut my social life. I have to clean my house, do laundry, make food and go shopping. For my health and sanity, I need enough sleep, some good food, exercise and scripture study. I've tried to plug every hole, fill every gap, cover every necessity. I have about three hours every evening where I have to cook dinner, do a cleaning job, meet with tutors, study, do research and prepare everything for the next day. On Saturdays I volunteer at the mental hospital, do errands, grocery shopping and menu planning, go to the temple, and study as many hours as possible.

Here are the five things that fill every single extra pocket of time in my life. These are the five things that tug at my brain every single day.

1. Apply for graduate school with letter of intent and letters of recommendation

2. Study for two classes

3. Prepare for the GRE

4. Do research for a professor

5. Volunteer

Each item is calculated, measured, packaged and slipped into one of the available slots in my life. I wish I could say not a moment is wasted. I wish I could say that I dominate my schedule. I wish I could say that. I'm doing the best I can. I'm doing better than I've ever done. I'm also staring down every weakness, giving up every bad habit, and sacrificing nearly every past pleasure to work towards this goal.

It feels hard. I don't want to do it all the time. I want to watch TV, visit more friends, cook more, travel, organize my recipe collection, undertake big projects for Christmas, sing in the stake Christmas program and a million other things.

But somewhere, somehow, for some reason, I really want this goal in my life. And I'm not even sure if after all of this work, I will reach it.

That's where I want to go though. And I must tell you that after several years of living in indecision and muddling through mediocrity, I would trade them for the toughness of this goal. Because whether yes or no at the end of this year, I hope to know deep inside that I gave it everything I had and then some.

It makes life feel worth living when you stand on your very tippy tiptoes, stretch out your arms and R E A C H.

Food Allergy or Intolerance? And Update on My Own Journey

2009-09-23T16:22:00.002-06:00

Here is a great little primer from Oprah's website on food allergies in children and the difference between a food allergy and a food intolerance. Food intolerances are not life-threatening where as most food allergies are life-threatening. Thus the appropriate vigilance at schools and in our communities for children who suffer from food allergies.

Food intolerances cause discomfort and pain but do not threaten your life. I have food intolerances. I have called them food allergies in the past because I wasn't terribly clear on the distinction myself, but I vow to be more precise in my language from now on.

I haven't mentioned my food intolerances since May and June. I am still abiding by what I called "the allergy-free diet" and what I think would now be better named "the intolerance-free diet"--except that name doesn't have quite the same ring to it. Really, I just eat a lot of veggies, fruit, meat, some whole grains, nuts, seeds and lentils. And coconut flour, coconut milk and coconut ice cream. And almond flour chocolate chip cookies. Hmmm, coooookies. I'm suddenly hungry for cookies.

I experimented some this summer with my food intolerances. Okay, and by "some," I mean a whole lot. For most of the month of July (and a good chunk of August) I went back to my wheat-eating, dairy-eating, sugar-eating previous lifestyle. Initially, I was just going to challenge the elimination diet I had been on, but it turned into a bit of a free-for-all instead.

There is just some screw that turns in my brain when I start eating those foods and I don't know how to turn it off. It feels strong and powerful and it sets me on this physical roller coaster that takes weeks to turn around. And yet, when I'm on the roller coaster, I forget so quickly how much better I was feeling. It may not make sense or sound logical but it is a very visceral experience for me. And going off those foods feels a bit like getting over a drug addiction (at least I imagine!). When I'm in that vortex or on that wild roller coaster, I can't foresee my life without wheat, dairy, sugar. I can't imagine the sterile, pale existence that will be mine if I can't eat them every day. And yet, about three weeks after I've gone off all of them, my life feels calm and peaceful and my energy is good again and I don't have intense cravings all day long.

I'm not going to assume this will be my life forever. That's too hard to think about right now. But it is my life for now. And, surprising most of all, I'm loving it. Or at least, I seem to be enjoying the ride. As long as I just keep reminding myself where I end up when I go off this path.

You Had a Bad Day

2009-09-18T11:25:00.004-06:00

Hormones. (Gentleman, now is the time to leave if this subject makes you cringe.) Once a month, I dive into this deep place where my thinking is made up of sharp angles, moral ambiguities and darkness.

Let's be real though. Sometimes it happens more than once a month. That's when it is tagged as "depression," but when it happens like clockwork every 28 to 30 days in sync with my cycle then it is known as PMS.

Whatever it is, it is a storm of darkness. My thinking starts going on warp speed, my emotions start to tumble all over the place, my perspective shrinks to just the next step in front of me. And life feels impossible. Utterly, completely impossible. I don't usually get crampy or bloated or even crave chocolate. I just get really, really emotional. Like every decision feels monumental. And every step feels like the next great failure in my life. And the world feels too, too big and I am far too small to carry the weight of it on my shoulders.

I first noticed it in college when I was in French class one day and I did so-so on a quiz. I burst into tears. Like the hiccuping, sobbing kind of crying that lasts for a few hours. It totally shocked me. When I stopped and did an inventory of my life, I realized that my life actually was going okay. And the quiz wasn't going to ruin my grade. And I would survive until the next day. But that's not how I was reacting. I was reacting like that little quiz was the difference between my life as an Oxford scholar or living homeless on the streets of Detroit with my drug-addled baby.

The next day I started my period and I made the connection.

I found without a doubt that one month later, I was cry-sobbing again over something as seemingly inconsequential as that French quiz. The crying was a clue because I don't generally get teary very easily. In fact in my nascent acting career, I used to wish I could cry on command like some of the other actresses around me who could summon a crying jag within seconds of entering a scene. If I had pursued my acting career, I would have always been the actress who could only produce tears with the aid of convenient eye drops.

Unless that acting day fell during my monthly storm of darkness. Then I could cry with the best of them.

It's funny to me that all these years later, I still have to remind myself that my intense emotional upheaval does not signal the end of the world as I know it. Or the beginning of the apocalypse. I have to talk myself through it. And I'm only barely beginning to believe myself during those dark days that there is actually a light at the end of the tunnel.

This is me in the shower the other morning talking myself down.

"I am a rotten piece of scum."

"No, you are not the world's biggest idiot."

"I wish I would die."

"No, you will not die."

"Will I ever wade out of this misery?"

"Someday. Hold on. It looks terrible right now, but in a few days the sunshine will return."

"Am I destined to be a failure?"

"You feel like it. You are even certain of it right now. Just wait a few days, believe me."

No matter the soothing words, no matter the love poured out on me, no matter the blinding reality of the sun outside my door, I live for three or four days as if the world has been plunged into ice cold darkness and goodness and light will never return.

And then I wake up one morning and life feels calm, doable, and possible. I get reacquainted with the world that I love, the food I like to cook, the people who I enjoy so much. I feel able to do my dishes, study for class, pass a test or complete a project at work. All of that when just the day before I was in such abject misery I was convinced things would never, ever change. It is my own little monthly miracle.

I don't mean to downplay the darkness. Or knock its gifts. There are gifts that come from that rare, unvarnished, raw truth-telling. It strips away all pretense and vanity and forces me to face ugliness that sometimes I would rather avoid. It gives me great empathy and patience when others feel down or low as well. For I've been there too where the darkness seems all-encompassing and the fog will not lift.

It reminds me that tomorrow the sun will shine and I may wake up with a new smile. I love waking up on those days.

A Bit of Good News

2009-09-11T06:02:00.002-06:00

Here's a pinpoint of light and good news on this day of days.

One of my more popular posts recently was The 18 Things I Wish I Had Known before I Went to College that was written to my little sister Cassie as she started her new life as a college student. Many of you had great thoughts to add to that list and it seemed to elicit lots of good memories of college life and how we would all be a bit wiser now if we went back to that experience.

Anyway, I submitted the piece a couple of weeks ago to BYU's campus newspaper, The Daily Universe (thanks for the nudges in that direction!) and what do you know, they accepted it.

I had to cut my word count by over half on the piece so the list is down to 11 things now and they are each short and sweet. I spend part of my work life cutting other people's word counts down so it always fun to be on the other side of that equation. When the editor first approached me about slashing the word count she was very gentle for you never know how an author will react to such a suggestion--we can be a defensive bunch! I cut it down by 600 words and then asked for her suggestions and she cut off another 400 words. I was really thrilled because she was a great editor and certainly had a talent and I benefitted from her skills.

The piece is published in today's edition of the paper. You can take a look at the links here:

For the full pdf version of the paper go here and scroll to page 3. This is what it looks like in newsprint.

For the online version, you can check it out here.

Thanks to my first and most loyal readership here. You feed my creativity and make this whole writing thing fun. And today just added to that fun.

Remembering that Day

2009-09-11T00:36:00.007-06:00

via differentkitchen.blogspot.com

We will never forget.

That day. Where we were. How our world changed on a bright September morning. How our nation gaped wide as dust filled the air of Manhattan streets, a fire burned in a Pennsyvlania field, and a Pentagon was broken.

Here is something small for your remembering today. This Newsweek article and video on the lives of children who were around ten years old on that infamous day and how this "Generation 9/11" is entering adulthood now. How will that day mark and change their adult lives?

That day feels so gigantic at times, so big in our collective pysche that words can't capture the nuances and complexities of pain that tore through the fabric of too many lives that day. Regardless if you were near or far to Ground Zero, the shockwaves from that day are still being absorbed.

My heart goes out to everyone who lost a mother, father, brother, sister, son, daughter, friend or loved one on that day. And for all the lives lost and damaged in the war on terror since then.

We will always remember.

09/09/09

2009-09-09T22:08:00.001-06:00

Sometimes numbers seem a bit magical like today.

Happy 09/09/09!

RECIPE: Lime Cilantro Brown Rice

2009-09-08T06:18:00.001-06:00

I made this for our Labor Day Mexican fiesta yesterday and it turned out surprisingly well. This is my take on my mom's recipe for lime cilantro rice. We were recreating Cafe Rio salads for our holiday family party and this was the impetus for the recipe. I don't want to forget a good thing so here goes:

1 cup uncooked brown rice (I used 7/8 cup short grain brown rice and 1/8 cup aromatic whole grain brown rice)

2 1/4 cups low-sodium chicken broth

1 large or 2 smaller cloves of garlic

2 limes, juiced

1/3 to 1/2 head of cilantro, chopped

salt to taste

Put rice and chicken broth in a medium pot on the stove and bring to a boil while adding garlic, lime juice, cilantro and a bit of salt. Once the mixture has come to a boil, cover with a lid and turn to low for 45 minutes. When the timer goes off, turn off burner and move pot to another burner. Leave covered and let sit for 20 minutes. Then uncover, salt to taste and serve.

Delicious served with lime chicken, black beans, chopped romaine lettuce, salsa and guacamole. Corn chips and hot, fresh tortillas are other possible options.

What's Cooking at Pear Tree Cottage

2009-09-07T11:48:00.001-06:00

In my ideal world, menu plans always happen. In the real, nitty gritty of life they do not. Yet I'm learning for my survival and my sanity, they are becoming a must.

Usually when I go to the grocery store without a menu plan, I come home with key ingredients missing for certain recipes. Cooking then becomes a frustrating experience as I stand in front the fridge--often hungry and tired--wishing that something yummy would make an appearance if I just stand there long enough.

Early this year, when I started the allergy-free diet, the only way I survived those first weeks successfully was by setting up a six-week menu plan of dinners. It gave me some sense of relief that I could actually come up with meals that I could eat when it seemed like there were so many food items that caused me problems.

I guess after six weeks, I reverted to less planning and more intuition (or might I call it desperation?). This made for several weeks of hunger as a result of my poor planning and once again I was back in my routine of standing in front of the fridge and wishing something delicious would magically appear.

So, I'm back on the planning wagon again. I like to do a six-week menu planner of meals at once because then I only have to gather recipes and make decisions once every few weeks. Below I am listing the plan for this week.

Most of the recipes are linked and most of them come from some of my favorite food bloggers. Some of them are new and some are old favorites. The recipes are fast, healthy and delicious. Also, I have listed my modifications next to each recipe just for your information.

M-Veggie Tacos (modifications: brown rice tortillas, almond mozarella cheese, goat feta cheese)

T-Turkey and Macaroni (modifications: ground turkey instead of the hamburger, brown rice noodles)

W-Lentil Soup

Th-Honey Mustard Chicken Fingers (modifications: substitute part of the honey with agave nectar and bread the chicken with almond flour rather than crushed cornflakes; may also use an egg wash before breading the chicken)

F-Pan-Seared Salmon with Avocado Remoulade Sauce

S-Tuscan Baked Eggs (modifications: either goat cheese feta instead of parmesan cheese or shredded almond mozzarella)

I'd love to hear how you plan meals and prep your kitchen each week. I need all the insight I can get.

Planning My Life Away

2009-09-05T13:44:00.005-06:00

via journalingarts.wordpress.com

I bought this planner a couple of weeks ago in an attempt to track my life. I used to be a Franklin fanatic but I found I was making too many modifications to the planner to make it work the way I wanted, so I quit using Franklin and moved everything online--calendars, to-do lists, etc. And that solution was very good for my work life where I sit at a desk all day, but it didn't work well for my home life where I am running errands and making shopping lists and adding to-do items on the go.

I don't want a planner that is big and cumbersome, just neat and small. I like to see a week at a glance so I can track appointments. I have a daily to-do list, shopping lists, meal plans, gift ideas and financial notes. I found that the digital world doesn't translate as well for my personal life because I am a notetaker and listmaker and I like to write. It helps me organize my brain to have my calendar and to-do lists laid out for me.

When I don't have a working planner, I still make copious notes and daily to-do lists and they end up strewn all over my house which causes me anxiety and wastes my time as I never seem to have all those to-do lists in one place.

I bought the Moleksine because it gave me a week-at-a-glance, was a nice compact size, and the pages are nice and thick and lovely to write on. And it seems for me like I am carrying a journal around rather than a planner. What amazes me is how utterly, completely happy I have been for the past several days since I purchased it. Its like a constant party in my pocketbook. I know where all invitations, appointments, to-do lists, goals, ideas, and future plans go! I think I open it about a hundred times a day and check my lists, write new items, plan future appointments, and essentially organize my head in blue ink right on the page in front of me.

It has brought calm and order and sanctuary to my life. And brings me no end of bliss and pleasure to boot. I would go so far as to say, I think I may have found a replacement for chocolate.

It is that good, my friends.

RECIPE: Mom's Corn Salsa

2009-09-01T04:33:00.000-06:00

We had a little party at work the other day and I made up a batch of my mom's corn salsa to take to the party. It is such an easy, simple, yummy recipe that I thought I would share.

1 can shoepeg corn, drained

1 can black-eyed peas, drained

2-3 tomatoes, seeded and chopped

1-2 avocados, chunky

1/2 cup chopped cilantro

1 cup of Italian dressing

Prepare a few hours ahead to allow flavors to blend together. Refrigerate. Serve with big scoop Fritos or corn chips.

Making Meaning

2009-08-31T06:00:00.003-06:00

When I first took my hiatus I was exhausted. Spent. Emotionally weak in the knees and ready for a break from life. What I wanted to do was spend some time hiking in the green gorgeousness that is my home state, float lazily in a mountaintop lake, clean my house, do some major reorganization in my storage room, and get on top of some paperwork.

Only some of that happened.

The hiking will take place next week. The floating--hmmmm---not sure when. (Anyone have a mountaintop lake they would like to suggest?) The organization and paperwork should be finished soon. And my house is clean.

What I jokingly also wanted was a complete personality transplant and a chance to entirely redo my life. Mostly I wanted to be refreshed and renewed. I do feel both of these things and for that I am so grateful. One feeling I have had strongly the last few days is that I have been given a beautiful life full of great riches like family and friends and education and opportunities and environment and talents. I feel thankful for so much goodness. It is nice to be reminded about all of this, especially on those days when I don't see them so clearly.

I missed writing and reading here. Several times the thought has occurred to me "I want to blog about that" only to remember that I said I was going to take a break and I better keep my word.

I've spent some time thinking about the direction of the blog, the stories I want to tell, the things I want to share. One of my passions has always been writing about people, our relationships, and the daily things that fill our lives with meaning and purpose. I hope to do more of that kind of writing in the future here.

I think I've always worried a bit that I'm not entertaining enough, witty enough or laugh-out-loud funny in my writing. My words bend to the thoughtful, reflective and introspective. I so enjoy teasing out the riddles, the issues, the details that I sometimes forget the sunshine and silliness. Luckily, I have great people surrounding me who remind me to come up for air once in a while and chortle through family dinner or giggle at some goofiness or titter at a funny tale. Which just reminds me that in all of my earnestness that laughter is a blessing to not leave behind.

So, here is to more writing, more blogging, my future semester and remembering to enjoy the ride. I love this quote by Mr. Thoreau, a rather thoughtful, introspective writer himself.

I went into the woods because I wanted to live deliberately. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life . . . to put to rout all that was not life; and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived.
~Henry David Thoreau, Walden

I'm back and ready to "live deep and suck out all the marrow of life." You too?

The Hiatus

2009-08-17T16:58:00.008-06:00

To my gentle reader:

I am at a loss for words. Yes, I know a shock for many of you. Nevertheless a reality for now. Or maybe, more correctly, too many words seem to roll around in my head right now. Most of them tend to the melodramatic with a distinct hue of blue to their cast. Words that are probably meant more for the private musings of my journal rather than this forum.

For this reason and many others, I'm going to count August as a hiatus from my writing here. It is the final few weeks of summer, I'm on a break from school and I'm hoping to take this time to get a personality transplant and entirely redo my life. You know, small realistic goals like these have always been my forte.

If I don't attain either of those goals in the next few weeks, maybe it will be a time to sort, reflect and come back to the page refreshed and renewed.

Enjoy your August. I'll be doing the same.

Update: Goodness, I see that I didn't do such a spectacular job of reigning in the melodrama when I wrote this. Who wants to go quietly into the night when screaming your guts out is just . . . louder.

Despite this post's snarky attitude, I am looking forward to a few weeks break from my regular life and plan to come back in September reinvigorated and ready again to write and discuss with all of you. See you then!

Abnormalities

2009-07-31T09:18:00.006-06:00

A few years ago I came back from a big meeting at work energized, excited and enthused. Most days work was a struggle for me to stay interested and on task. But every time I came back from a meeting and from working with other people and tossing around ideas and thinking up a plan, I was enthused and energized. That day I started to wonder if maybe there was a job out there where I could get paid to just sit and talk to people. Where instead of business being my business, people were my business.

I think that day was the day I started seriously contemplating changing my career track. What it brought me to was additional schooling and going into therapy. I've been a bit tentative about that decision for several reasons. I've asked myself over and over again "Is this really what you want do? Is this really what you see yourself doing?" I've already played the nonchalant game of just pick a major and see where it takes you. I know that despite some outward appearance of career-focus, in the back of my mind I didn't plan on working in a career for very long because . . . you know, other things would happen like getting married and having kids and being a stay at home mom.

Cough. Choke. Sputter. Except that's not where life went for me.

So, here I am, in my thirties and still wondering what I'm going to do with the rest of my life. And now, I'm immersed in classes and doing research and wishing most days that somehow I had figured this all out before. And that instead of just dipping my toe into the possibility of changing my life, I could jump in with both feet. Could this dream become a reality for me?

Which is where the mental hospital comes in. (And no, it's not what you are thinking, thank you very much.)

I'm volunteering at a mental hospital right now for a class. They don't let the volunteers do anything really serious--mostly we get to help in the library, put together dances and game night, and sometimes help the patients with physical therapy. That's about the extent of it.

The funny thing is: I love it.

Volunteering is part of my grade for this class and I assumed it was going to be a chunk of my life that I would never get back and all for a good grade. But the first day of volunteering my entire perspective changed.

I was helping in the library and the librarian was explaining where everything was, how to check out media items and how things were categorized. In short order we had completed every task and I was a bit antsy. What else should I be doing? How else was I supposed to help? So, I asked her what she else she wanted us to do and what other tasks needed to be completed. She stopped whatever she was doing, looked me straight in the eye and said,

"What I really want you to do is observe the people and talk to them."

Cough. Choke. Sputter. Really?

My first thought was "Honey, I do that in my sleep. Now tell me what you really want me to do." After looking at this woman and realizing she was not kidding, I got a little bit giddy. You mean, I can volunteer here every week and that is what you want me to do is just talk to people? Umm, okay. I think I can handle that.

And thus I entered nirvana. A entirely blissful state where it occurred to me that if I can continue on this current career track, I might actually get my wish:

Someday I might actually have a job where I get to sit and talk to people. All day. Every day. About things that really matter.

Suddenly, I don't feel tentative about this career change at all.

Hairy Stories

2009-07-21T09:36:00.007-06:00

Another jaunt into the photo archives. I seem to not have much to say lately or maybe it's that I'm currently under such a big deadline at work that I don't have time to form coherent thoughts other than "Did I edit that page?" and "How many ways can you say paper or newspaper in three pages of text?" to "What's the code for an en dash again?"

This was yet another photo that made me smile. I'm so grateful that Rus took the time to scan all these photos last winter or my midnight cacklings would be few and far between this summer. Each photo seems to elicit more memories and stories and just pure delight at "the good old days" as the tint on my glasses turns rosier and rosier with each viewing.

We are standing in front of the fireplace in Grandmother and Granddad's front room on 1510 Conant Avenue. You can plainly see it is the eighties by the clothing--Dad's tie and Mom's bow. I'm guessing Mom is about 31 years old in this photo and Dad is about 34 (gasp! Really? Six kids and early thirties? What happened to my life? I still feel that I'm barely out of puberty.) That would make Ric 10, Rus 9, Adam 7, me 6, Matt 4, and Meggie--well, she was the baby. A cute one too with all this blonde, curly hair and chubby cheeks.

In fact, I was curling that blonde hair when she was about two or three years old with a very hot curling iron and I distinctly remember telling her to "hold very still" when I was curling a spot close to her scalp and she didn't listen (those two years olds!) and she turned her head and that curling iron burned a long stripe across one of her sweet baby cheeks. I think I was scarred forever by the experience--I'm just glad she wasn't. I remember the adults saying things like "You have to be more careful" and "She's just a baby!" and "You could have really hurt her." (which didn't give me a complex at all) and I'm thinking "Then why did you let a 7 year old curl a 2 year old's hair?" (See that? Neat little trick where I lay the blame directly at someone else's feet rather than my own--it assuages the guilt.)

Another thing about this photo that sent me down memory lane was my hair--the side curls, the red ribbon and "The Spider" which was parlance in my young life for the hair experience that I endured rather often where my mom would pull my hair up into a high ponytail and then divide it into six or eight sections and then she would dampen and curl each section around her finger into a big fat sausage curl and bobby pin it to my head with an unholy strength that made each bobby pin dig a deep trench into my scalp. I would wear The Spider for a day or two and the next day she would pull it out and my hair would have these springy bouncy curls or she would brush it out in to soft waves. I always liked the next day after The Spider. I felt pretty. It was the only reason I would endure the terror of the bobby pin torture that I succumbed to with each installment of The Spider on my head.

A better shot of The Spider along with a more relaxed shot of the family. Dad was behind the camera on this one.

The Spider was only inducted on high and holy days such as Sunday, picture day at school, Christmas, family pictures, a visit from cousins or grandparents who lived far away, or a trek out to Elba and Grape Creek and a visit with the second cousins at Nana's birthday party at the old rock church. Yes, just every major photo event in my life.

Which explains why nearly every photo I see of myself during this time period, my hair is piled high atop my head and I have a particular twinge around my eyes that reminds me of the bobby pin headaches that always accompanied the induction of The Spider. What sweet relief was experienced when that first bobby pin was taken out the following day. And then the next bobby pin and then the next and then the next. And then the heavy hair was freed from the tight ponytail and floated around my shoulders in a cascade of rippling curls. I tell you, I could have done a Head and Shoulders shampoo commercial each time my hair came out because I would sit and flip it for hours and shake my head and feel gorgeous and powerful and invincible with my tresses of undulating beauty.

That effect lasted until I climbed the feed pile in the grainery, squirmed through yet another fort my brother's built in the haystack or crawled army style under the fence to the Jensen's pasture to see if we could get a rise out of the bull who grazed there. Yes, it was a fleeting moment of grace and beauty in my life and I owe it all to a mother's infinite time, patience, motivation and insistence.

Thanks, Mom. I owe you one--yet again.

The Preschool Cowboy

2009-07-14T22:02:00.008-06:00

After posting my little essay yesterday, I just happened across this photo of my brother Matt standing in front of the exact spot I was describing in my writing.

First of all though, get a load of Matty. What a cutie. He must have been all of four or five years old in this photo. Between the seriously pointy cowboy hat, the full holster of guns and the rockin' sunglasses, you can see he was ready to wow the world. He always was a delicious little kid with his rosy chubby cheeks, his ready smile and his bright yellow hair. He was like his own little sunbeam.

So, not only is this one of my favorite photos of him, it also cracked me up to see the spot I had been writing about in Pull the Plug. At Matt's left elbow is the rock we hid behind and the fence at the back of the garden. The huge pile of tree branches in the photo is lying directly over the what was normally the pumpkin patch. Adam and I hid behind that rock as the perfect vantage point as we scoured the garden for our mother. That garden was huge and stretched all the way to the road at the front of the house. I spent hours and hours each summer weeding that garden and daydreaming about inventing some kind of tool that would magically and effortlessly pull weeds for me. What I didn't know was that magical tool was called "kids" and my parents had enough of them to make sure that garden stayed weed-free.

Funny thing is now that I have a place of my own, one of the things I want the most is a little spot of earth to plant a few seeds and grow a garden of my own. I don't think now that I would mind so much pulling a few weeds each day. Especially not when they bring back such sweet memories.

Pull the Plug

2009-07-13T20:39:00.003-06:00

This is a tiny essay that I wrote a few years ago. It is my memory of a late summer evening when I was a little girl and my mother had put my brother and me in the bathtub and then gone out to the garden. We went out searching for her and this is the moment stamped in my memory.

He taught me quiet stealth on a green-grass evening as we followed the brown, itchy clapboards on the back of the house towards the garden and our mother. At ages four and six, “Indians” was our favorite game. “We’re on the attack,” he told me. “Shhhh!” We crept noiselessly to the rock that would be our last cover before exposure to the road at the front of the house. I kept a sharp eye out for Fluffy our black cat who, ill-tempered and gouty, would use our legs as a substitute for her favorite scratching post. My brother pushed our expedition along soundlessly, scouting the terrain ahead. We reached the rock, squatting behind its relative safety as he scoped out the situation. It was several feet of open driveway to the fence line of the garden and, my best guess now is, it was a gap he just wasn’t ready to fill. He turned to me and without announcement pushed me into full view in the center of the driveway saying, “You’re younger; you ask Mom.” Startled I stood paralyzed waiting for a car to pass and reveal my shame. For out of the bathtub we had come to find our mother to get us a towel, and my brother hung back, naked, like the first man of the Bible he was named for—Adam.

Group Laughter

2009-07-03T10:47:00.004-06:00

This is from a few weeks ago after Sunday dinner at Matt and Cissy's house. Most of the crew were watching the trailer for the movie Year One and getting a kick out of it. This is what makes them laugh and I can say that half the reason we all are cracking up is watching each other crack up. That and similar little sideline comments like the one that Rus inserted on my last post.
"I believe 'liminal space' is the whole area inside the outer crust of a key lime pie. I know, I'm good with words."

Time to Grow Up

2009-07-02T06:00:00.004-06:00

How do you know when you've reached adulthood? How do you know when you finally grown up? In some ways, I'm sure that adulthood is a fluid event. Sometimes we assume adult responsibilities financially but not emotionally in our relationships with friends or spouses, or maybe we are grown up spiritually but we have a lot of growing up to do when it comes to our career focus.

It seems like marriage is an event that announces to the world that you are ready and willing to grow up and assume adult responsibilities. Even more than that I think that having children forces you to grow up because someone has to care for this child who is dependent on you for everything from food to clothing and shelter to every emotional need.

So, what about when you don't get married? That is something I have wondered about especially during the last few years. In some ways being single allows you to stay in a state of "post-adolescent dithering and self-absorption" and not join the rest of the world. When it is just you, you only have to worry about one person and one person's happiness each and every day. Selfishness is the name of the game. I'm not saying that all singles are like this, but I am saying that it is much, much easier when you are not saddled with a marriage and children to skip blithely through the world not attending to anyone's needs, wishes, hopes or dreams but your very own.

This is why I liked these two articles so much. The first titled "It's Time for Adults to Grow Up Even if They Are Not Married" is from a Mormon Times blogger named Beth Palmer and she actually riffs off an article from the Tomato Nation blog called "25 and Over." Both articles deal with what it means to grow up and what grown-up behavior is actually expected of anyone in the over 25 crowd. Things like writing thank you notes, being on time, and courtesy.

Ms. Palmer though poses some great questions when she asks:

The thing is, absent a marriage to force us out of our naturally self-centered state, how do we get there? Without entering into the institution that throughout history has served as the threshold of adulthood, how do we know when we need to start acting like we've crossed it?

I think why all of this matters to me is I've watched myself and others in my single state descend into this oblivious post-adolescent life of pre-nascent adulthood where we just coast. Okay, I just coast. Constantly coast. Things like forgetting gifts and thank you notes and not getting my own hotel room when I'm traveling and not thinking it is really important if I go to this wedding event or that baby shower because my mom or sister is going and they can share my love for me. Mostly it seems that being single lets you hide on the periphery in good and bad ways. The good ways are you can sleep on a friend's couch when traveling and sign your name with your mom's name on that baby gift and catch a ride with another carload on the ride to the family reunion because you are "only one more." So, you never have to absorb the full costs of your presence in this world. At least not as often as someone with a spouse and 2.3 kids and a mortgage. It is just easier to coast.

Thus the dithering in the liminal space before arriving at full-fledged adulthood.

Sometimes when you don't have a marital partner or little ankle-biters to push you in that direction, you have to start doing the pushing yourself.

Consider this my tender little shove in the right direction.

A Look at Hunger

2009-06-23T14:10:00.004-06:00

This was an attempt I made at more lyrical, poetic writing. It is a look at hunger--mostly physical but certainly applies to spiritual, emotional hunger. Really, I had about three weeks where I was hungry all the time and I wasn't cooking great food and I was just kind of existing. Since I now have to make nearly everything I eat from scratch--no convenience foods--I sometimes just get exhausted from cooking and it is easier not to cook sometimes and just go hungry. This is something that came out of that struggle.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My hunger is a sharp thing. It sits in the pit of my stomach, at the back of my mind, in the tense light of each of my waking hours. Relentless, unbidden, persisting. Ever present.

I try to assuage its pangs with food. I feed the sharpness, I cool the hot thirst, I stop and acknowledge its presence.

My hunger does not leave.

It rakes my belly most days through the ticking of the clock and the white heat of a shining day. It accompanies me into the dark hours of night and snakes its way from the soft folds of my center up through my chest, behind my eyes, throughout my brain.

Pulsing.

Beating.

Living.

My muscles tense, my head aches, I seek comfort and solace away from this growling burden, this constant pull inside of me. I push it away hoping it will disappear.

It does not.

It slices neatly through my meager defenses, assaulting me through the thrum of my heart with words that batter me.

I am so hungry.

I am so hungry.

I must spend time, hours, days attending to its pressing need, its near-stifling presence, its overwhelming load.

Feed me. I am so hungry.

In morning, its sharpness is muted, softer in its approach. Exhausted from its pursuit, I unwisely ignore its gentle reminders and benign probings, glad for a break as I throw it a morsel here or a drink there. It roars to life again within hours rearing its tyrannical head as my day progresses, beating every other thought out of my consciousness.

I succumb to its violence, its heat, its oppression. I seek to soothe, to calm, to comfort through taste, texture, smells and colors. Sometimes it abates allowing these things to sate its appetite. Allowing me some peace and solace from its clawing, voracious need.

Those are the days I breathe with joy.

Other days I cannot contain it, approach it or help it.

Those are the days it seems my hunger may end up eating me.

Song Pick: Crazy Love

2009-06-17T16:44:00.003-06:00

I came across this song the other day and I can't seem to stop listening. It is by an artist named Jason Manns that I haven't heard of before but I liked the laid back style of the song. It just felt a bit like summer to me.

What do you think?

Hidden Food Allergies

2009-06-15T15:22:00.003-06:00

"Now we know that chronic inflammation, caused primarily by exposure to incompatible foods, is at the root of metabolic problems like diabetes, cardiovascular disease and obesity. The immune system chemicals block insulin receptors; so, guess what happens to the sugars we eat? They get stored as fat. Cut the inflammation, cut the fat storage," said Roger Deutsch, co-author of the excellent book, "Your Hidden Food Allergies Are Making You Fat."

This is My Kind of Ice Cream

2009-06-12T23:03:00.000-06:00

I found an ice cream to love.

I have never been an ice cream fanatic. This I have admitted and shared before. Yet, many of you are big fans of this dairy wonderland. A coworker and I were discussing ice cream the other day and he mentioned that growing up his mom always had ice cream in the freezer. They didn't have a lot of other treats in the house but they always had ice cream. And every night she would pull out the ice cream and bowls and spoons and everyone would gather around and eat ice cream together as they laughed and talked. His mom died when he was in high school but he says he still loves to have a bowl of ice cream each night.

That definitely tugged the old heart strings a little.

I think part of the reason that ice cream didn't appeal to me was I had an inkling pretty early on that I might have some food issues with dairy. I just didn't seem to respond to it well. I was never a big milk drinker and I had pretty much cut it out of my life by high school and I think ice cream just went down the same road. That doesn't mean I don't like it or it doesn't taste amazing. I just didn't want to hassle with it especially when things like brownies or cake or cookies could satiate my sweet tooth very well.

In college, I lived with two like-minded friends who couldn't or didn't do dairy either. Our fridge was a wonderland of soy milk and rice milk and we had many a late night raid of a local grocery store that carried our favorite So Delicious soy ice cream. This got us through the minute dissection of every cute boy, potential prospect and dating relationship that crossed our threshold. It even helped us wade through the a broken engagement or two. So, yes I get the appeal.

Yet, I found that with some of my food sensitivities that soy milk and rice milk were not really options so that ice cream fell by the wayside as well.

And then I happened across a recommendation on Elana's site for coconut milk ice cream.

When I was out visiting Amy a couple of months ago we experimented and made a fruit smoothie with coconut milk and pineapple. It was tropical and yummy and we made it every day after that. Then I came home and spread the love of coconut milk smoothies and I've had at least a couple a week since then. So, my love of all things coconut has really moved up the roster.

Ingredients: organic coconut milk, organic agave syrup, chicory root extract, organic dried coconut, carob bean gum, guar gum, natural flavors

I just had no idea that coconut milk ice cream existed. When I heard about it, I went out that night and bought my first little pint of Purely Decadent's Coconut flavor. Yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy.

via wholesomegoodness.net

Ingredients: organic coconut milk (organic coconut, water, guar gum), organic agave syrup, organic fair trade cocoa, organic hazelnuts, organic chocolate fudge (organic agave syrup, water, organic fair trade cocoa, organic fair trade vanilla extract), organic fair trade vanilla extract

Then I went out the next night I tried another brand called Coconut Bliss. They had a flavor called Dark Chocolate Hazelnut Fudge. Ummm, I became an immediate convert. Immediate.

I think one of the things I like about coconut milk ice cream compared to soy milk ice cream or rice milk ice cream is that it is thick and creamy and full of texture. It isn't ice-y like a sorbet. It is full of fat which only makes it super good and thus super good for you.

So, for all of my ice cream friends out there, give it a whirl. I'll even come share it with you, if you give me a call.

That's just the kind of friend I am.

Just a Little Fun

2009-06-11T17:15:00.008-06:00

I needed something to make me laugh this week and this did it.

The song "Eye of the Tiger" makes me think of big-hair bands, Idaho and the eighties. Really it embodies for me my early childhood and my older brothers. I always think of them when this song comes on. I saw this clip the other day and it all came rushing back.

In this clip is an actor from the show Supernatural lip-syncing to "Eye of the Tiger." That show is about two brothers who road trip across the country in a classic car listening to big-hair band music and fight ghosts for a living. (Seriously, why do I know this? Because this little video made me interested in the show. I have a sickness.)

In this particular clip the other brother/actor on the show was supposed to enter the scene and missed his cue purposely (you can hear him laughing during the performance because he was miked for the scene). He just wanted to see what the other actor, Jensen Ackles, would do with this huge song blasting and this is the performance that happened, all caught on tape for the whole world to see.

The video (links to youtube)

The leg guitar had to be my favorite moment.

Hope it gave you all a giggle today too.

18 Things I Wish I'd Known before I Went to College

2009-06-04T22:19:00.003-06:00

For Cassie's 18th birthday, I wrote a list of things I wish I had known before I went to college. Cassie actually starts college this summer so I thought I could share a few points of insight with her. Good or bad these are things I learned through trial and error and offered to share with her. I'm sure I've missed some great insights, so what would you add to this list? What would have made a difference for you when you first left home and started college? What do you wish you had taken advantage of as a freshman? Or what habit made a great difference for you in college?

I'd love for you to add to my list and give Cassie a smattering of our collected wisdom.

1. Never, never, never take a 7AM class. You will never wake up for it and you will hate yourself all semester long for signing up for it. For that matter, I wouldn’t even take an 8AM class but some people are just gluttons for punishment. Just don’t say that I didn’t warn you. 

2. Watch the class load your first semester. Don’t exceed more than 12 hours your first semester. It takes a while to adjust to the demands and rigors of college and you will only do yourself a favor if you keep the class load manageable your first year. Juggling school, work, social life, homework, church responsibilities, life skills, and family time takes a gigantic learning curve so cut yourself a bit of slack in the education department your first time around. 

3. Life skills matter. Things like cooking meals, doing your laundry, cleaning your house, maintaining a car and tracking your finances. They are the kind of things that have to be done every day and make your life painful and unhappy if they aren’t done. Just succumb to their reality and do them every day and you will save yourself a lot of angst and worry later because you’ve already mastered the essentials. 

4. Actually learn how to make your bed—every day. This sounds insane but at some point you will leave college, enter the real world and hopefully get married and have kids. Learning to make your bed now will just lighten the load. If you learn to make your bed every day then you grow accustomed to having a neat bed. If your bed is neat, you will pick up your clothes too. If your clothes are picked up then your bedroom will be clean. And then you won’t want the bathroom to look like trash, so you will keep it picked up. Bed-making and dishwashing are two habits that begin to breed cleanliness in your life. And when you suddenly don’t have Mom the-most-amazingly-clean-woman-in-America around anymore to clean up after you, you will wish you could invent her robotic double to come and live with you permanently because cleanliness is never so easy as it is when you live within the walls of her home. And it never will be again. TRUST ME. So, do yourself a favor and start picking up the cleanliness habit. 

5. You have to earn money in order to spend it. This was a concept I understood in theory but it took a long time to put into practice. You have to buy things like your own laundry detergent and your own toilet paper and your own ketchup. That takes some getting used to. No more is your money just spent on clothes or entertainment or fun. Now you have to buy things to make your little household run and pay tuition and buy really expensive books that you will cart around for the next ten years before you marshal the guts to toss them. It is so hard to adjust to the realities of living on your own and paying your own way and then to find that you have to buy superfluous things like milk and bread with the very little funds you have at your disposal which will make you want to weep sometimes. So, get a job. Yes, even get a job on campus. And really, really pray that this education thing will pay off because you don’t ever want to work for so little money ever again. 

6. Sleeping is not optional. The fun will be almost nonstop. Plus there will always be a big test to study for, a huge paper to write or a really deep conversation that needs to take place with someone. That is all in addition to the one million other things that need to take place each day. Sleep is almost always the first thing to go with a packed schedule. Don’t succumb though. Don’t believe that cutting yourself out of a few hours of sleep is not a big deal. It is. Sleep will make a major difference in your mood, your outlook, your intellect and your energy level. Sleep is the easiest thing to chuck when your stress level rises and your schedule is overflowing. If you hold on to sleep now, you will learn how to do stress and do a busy life while still getting enough sleep. Plus you will be perkier and happier and much more pleasant to be around. Sleep is not overrated. 

7. Learn how to pack your own lunch. It will save you money, it will save you time and it will save your health. I would have saved so much more money in college if I learned this skill earlier. Plus, I would have been healthier. If you anticipate your need for food, you will prepare healthier and better food than you can grab when you are on the go and starving. Plus, you will learn how to feed yourself and not depend on vending machines or fast food to fuel your body. They both do a terrible job at it. Learning, studying and playing take energy and with little money at your disposal packing your lunch just makes sense all around. 

8. Saying “no” is often the nicest thing you can do. The boys will be plentiful and good-looking. The big change with college is that most of them will be strangers to you. And just because they are at BYU and LDS doesn’t mean that they are great people. You will come across some stellar duds on the social scene. You may even come across some scary ones. Never say “yes” just to be nice or because someone keeps asking you out. This is where your gut and the Spirit really matter. Learn to trust how you feel. If some guy makes you feel funny—even the slightest bit—tell him “No.” The sooner he leaves the better. Learning to say “No” is really the nicest thing you can do for yourself and him. 

9. Do all the crazy freshman activities that are offered. Go tunnel singing. Hike the Y. Participate in Freshman Academy. Play an intramural sport. Go ice blocking. You will make amazing friends in college and sometimes the way you will meet them is through doing all the crazy stuff that is offered. If you start taking advantage of every opportunity as a freshman you will get in the mode of doing whatever fun things that cross your path and you will meet great people along the way. Plus, you will pick up a habit that will help you meet new people throughout the rest of your college career. Don’t hold back. Just go for it. 

10. Smile at everyone, just don’t talk about it in testimony meeting. A smile helps you feel warm, friendly and approachable and it helps you open your eyes to potential friends around you. Smiling will help you look up and look on the bright side too. Just don’t talk about how smiling changed your life or someone else’s in testimony meeting. Let every other freshman in your ward do that for you. 

11. Talk to your professors. They are in the business of learning and they will help guide you through the labyrinth of academic life with great insight. Learn how to make friends with your professors and visit them during office hours. They will be some of the greatest people in your corner. 

12. Do the honors program if you have the guts. The Great Works list alone in the Honors program will elevate your mind. Honors requires extra reading and research with a professor but it will put in some of the top classes on campus with some of the best and brightest minds available. This will hone your skills and your mind as you prepare for the future. It will take some work too. At least take some time to consider it. You won’t be sorry. 

13. Grades do matter. You don’t know what the future holds for you. You may be perfectly happy with your major and the direction you choose now but ten years down the road you may decide to go to graduate school and suddenly that transcript from college is going to look awfully important. 

14. Invest in a really good backpack. You will be carrying a lot of heavy books around campus for the next few years. A good backpack will save you as you walk hundreds of miles each week across campus. Then wear both straps on your shoulders. It will save you many a backache. 

15. Ask questions. Remember there is no such thing as a stupid question (although I can’t promise that you won’t feel stupid asking some questions). Just get over it now. The only way to get anywhere in life is to learn how to ask great questions and the only way to do that is to learn how to ask some really bad questions in the process. Questions open up your mind and heart to truth. Are you ready for it? 

16. Expand your cultural horizons. Spend a night at the BYU Planetarium. Go to every free exhibit at the Museum of Art. Attend free recitals and concerts. Go to International Cinema. Go on study abroad. Learn another language. You will never have so many free and discounted cultural activities right at your fingertips as you do in college. Take advantage. Listen the Men’s Chorus in person. Watch a ballroom dance competition. Soak up any horizon-expanding experience you can.  

17. Call your parents. They love you and want to know what is happening in your life. They are also a wealth of information, common sense and life experience. You will start to see how truly wise they really are as they help you navigate these first years of adulthood. Just remember to say “I love you” every time and don’t forget to thank them often. They won’t ever tire of hearing it. 

18. Write it down. These experiences will never come again and you will be able to relive them if you write it down. Even if it is one sentence a day, it will help. A journal can hold your secrets, listen to your heart and help you find your voice. Write it all down. You will be amazed at the life you lived when you look back over it one day.

She's Growing Up

2009-06-01T13:25:00.004-06:00

UPDATE: I forgot to mention that these are Cassie's senior photos that Megan took. She's quite the photographer.

My baby sister graduated from high school last week. I can barely believe it. She was born when I was a teenager and she was a baby that was wanted and hoped for and prayed for in our family.

My dad went to law school when he was forty years old and when I was just starting junior high. My parents had seven children when they went back to school and they had very busy lives. I remember though begging my mom to have another baby. I had one sister but I wanted another and in my naivete, I just assumed that all mom and dad had to do was decide to have another baby. I didn't understand how much another child adds loads of responsibility and time and care to their lives.

Shortly after Dad graduated from law school, I had a birthday. A couple of weeks before my birthday, my mom started laying hints for me about what an incredible birthday present she had for me. As a teenager, my mind went a bit wild. What was I getting? A car? Some furniture? A bunch of new clothes? I was so convinced that this present was really big that I wouldn't go out to the garage for a couple of weeks just in case I stumbled upon my fabulous little red convertible that Mom and Dad were stashing away for me in there.

A few days before my birthday I was home sick from school. Some time that day my mom came in to my room and told me she couldn't take it any longer and she was going to give me my birthday present early. Then she told me she was six weeks pregnant.

I burst into tears I was so happy.

The following June, Cassie joined our family. She was the eighth child, the third girl and so, so wanted. We were all so thrilled with her arrival. She's been a joy and a pleasure since then. I know she gets a hard time because she is the youngest and she didn't grow up on the farm or suffer through the hard years of law school and Dad's early years as an attorney. But I think she is only teased about that because they can't find anything else to tease her about. What would we do without Cassie? Mom says she has kept them young and full of life and vigor. I say aren't we lucky?

Happy Birthday, baby sister.

May Days

2009-05-25T11:09:00.004-06:00

Flowers that my sweet sister and brother-in-law gave me for Mother's Day. I'm an auntie who loves all her little people and these made my heart sing. Thank you.

I've been out of commission for a week, mostly sleeping. I know I'm not feeling well when eating is too big of a hurdle to climb. It simply becomes a chore and I would rather not. Mostly I slept and slept and slept some more. I'm feeling much better now and glad to have my energy back. What a true treasure it is!

I downloaded a few photos from happenings over the last month and wanted to share. So, enjoy the small photo tour.

MAY BIRTHDAYS

Tami and Rus have the same birthday so we had birthday cakes for each of them and celebrated.

I don't know who set up the candles on Rus's cake but somebody was having fun.

Rus, of course, had to warm his hands by the flame created from all those candles.

I hope it was a good birthday.

May is a very, very big birthday month for us. In one week we have Brock's birthday and anniversary, Granddad's birthday (gone but not forgotten), Grandma J's birthday (gone but not forgotten), and Rus and Tami's birthdays. Plus throw Mother's Day in there and that week always feels very full.

And there are still more birthdays coming later in the month!

THE GIRLS' WEEKEND

The girls of the family (except Cassie, the graduating senior, and Julie who lives five hours away) spent a weekend up at a condo about a half an hour up the canyon. We had a great time even though it was a quick little trip. The purpose of the trip was a chance to talk about redroko.com. Meg, Julie, Cissy and Michelle are the core leaders for that blog and the rest of us like to believe we are the first followers. So, we had a great chat about the website and then lots of chats about other things as well.

I, somehow, got to sleep in this very pretty king size bed that night. Ummmm, yeah, that was fun. Do you know how big this kind of bed is? I planted myself right in the middle of the bed and sank into bliss. I felt like a princess. The other princesses slept in the four other beds in the other two bedrooms.

Michelle loved me sitting in front of her trying to get a good shot. The sun was coming in right behind her in the window and I was having a difficult time. Four days later she would deliver a new baby.

Meg also barely put up with my little photo shoot. (And note to Meg: This is a good photo. I want brownie points for NOT posting the photo you didn't like, which I liked. I will just say that since you so delicately threatened me with death I decided to not chance it.)

Cissy and Meg in full conversation mode. I think we stayed up until midnight just getting a good chat in.

And dinner. Michelle's sister, Lauren, is here visiting to help out Michelle with the new baby so she came with us and I think had a good time. (l to r: Lauren, Michelle, Tami, Mom, Jenny, Cissy, Meg)

CASSIE'S SEMINARY GRADUATION

Baby sister is growing up! She will be eighteen in a few weeks and is graduating from high school. I can barely believe it. My parents will officially be empty nesters in a few short months.

BABY LIV'S ARRIVAL

This sweet little munchkin showed up last week and put a smile on everyone's faces. In this photo she is just over 24 hours old. Sweet, sweet baby.

Michelle seemed amazingly energetic and alert after her birth. She also had her own birthday just four days after Liv's arrival. They spent it laying low and letting little Liv hang out on those funky lights they have to sleep on when they have jaundice.

And this little peach kept everyone smiling as she protectively watched over the new baby and reminded anyone who held her "That's Mama's baby." Yes, the protective older sister streak has arrived with a vengeance. She gets very distressed if baby sister is out of her or Mama's eyesight.

Thankfully, Auntie Lauren and Grandma Sue know how to keep her busy and preoccupied. Lucky little girl.

What a great May so far!

Cooking Up a Storm

2009-05-14T16:41:00.004-06:00

The last few days have been filled with food, food, and more food. I have been cooking and I've been having a blast. I've been cooking for a variety of reasons but the best part of it is I've been cooking for others. I love experimenting in the kitchen and trying out different foods but once I've run through a recipe a couple of times, I want to try it out and see if it is a success for others too.

Let me acknowledge once again in all of my cooking now how much of a debt of gratitude I owe to my favorite food blogger, Elana, at elanaspantry.com. Nearly 90% of these recipes come from her site with a few modifications here and there by me. She got me excited again about cooking and eating because she taught me through her blog that I could make food that was delicious and appetizing even with my food sensitivities. I owe her much for sharing all of her scrumptious recipes. She's got a great gluten-free cookbook coming out this summer that you can pre-order if you like, so check it out. I can't wait to get my copy.

Monday I cooked because my sweet, multi-talented brother Adam came and put up three curtain rods and a towel rod for me. He keeps telling me that if I get a great drill I could do it myself. I keep telling him I would miss seeing his face. :) So, Adam and Michelle brought their little girl and Michelle's sister and we did dinner and FHE together. Of course, we girls chatted up a storm while Adam did the work but I think everyone had a good evening and we got to pull my table out from the wall and put it to good use.

Menu for Monday night was

BBQ chicken
crash hot potatoes
spring salad with chopped almonds and apples and Elana's awesome ranch dressing
asparagus sauteed in olive oil
fresh strawberries and pineapple
vanilla cupcakes

Tuesday was our monthly supper club with a group of friends where we each cook a dish around a theme and bring it to supper club and then eat and chat the night away. I was hosting for the month of May and since it was gluten-free night and most people are not gluten-free, I did a little extra cooking just so everyone could try out a variety of dishes. We had a great turn out, several people brought some excellent recipes and my favorite patio was put to good use.

Menu for Tuesday night

Rosemary apple chicken
roasted veggies
fresh strawberries
Elana's chocolate chip cookies
vanilla cupcakes with chocolate frosting
blueberry muffins

Then last night I had to use some ground turkey I had had in the fridge for a few days and I made spinach turkey burgers. In all of my cooking, my mom and my sister are my ad hoc test kitchen so I will run food over to them to taste and try together. Despite all of that testing, I had not ever made my spinach turkey burgers or my special sauce for Meg, so I wanted her to try them both. She's a very receptive audience to all of my cooking attempts so I wanted to get her reaction to them. Then she had been asking for smoked paprika almonds again, so I whipped up a batch of those too.

While I was cooking, Mom stopped by to try the leftovers from supper club. I love talking food with both of them because Mom had a few ideas for tweaking the blueberry muffins a bit and I had figured out a way I wanted to modify the cookies a bit and Meg had made the ranch dressing herself twice and we could compare notes. Cooking is always a collaborative effort whether it is over the stove or at the table and it is fun to experiment and try things together.

Katy came by one night when I was knee-deep in cupcake batter and loving every second of it. She tasted and tried and even ran to the store for a last-minute item that I needed. In the midst of the hustle bustle she stopped and said, "Isn't cooking fun? It feels like an art to me some days like here is my oil painting or this is my watercolor" and I had to agree. That feeling isn't there every night but on the nights it does descend on me in the kitchen--well, it's pure magic.

What kind of magic have you created in your kitchen lately?

Dinner Plate Photo

2009-05-10T06:00:00.002-06:00

Katy and I had dinner last night before heading off to hike Stewart Falls. Katy is another foodie friend (and Amy's sister) who happens to have celiac disease and some other food sensitivities so our diets are very similar and we talk about food often. Katy has been doing this a lot longer than I have though so it inspires me to hear what she is making and we share favorite recipes with each other.

I love to cook for her because we have such fun talking and experimenting together. And it is thanks to Katy that we have a photo of dinner. She styled the plates and took photos. I likely would have forgotten until the meal was over and then I would have wished I had remembered to pull out the camera.

Menu:
Spinach turkey burgers with almond mozzarella cheese
Spring salad with chopped almonds and apples and Elana's awesome ranch dressing
Zucchini and yellow squash sauteed in olive oil
Strawberry and pineapple salad

Any of this look yummy to you?

Living Room Outdoors

2009-05-09T21:00:00.004-06:00

Six months ago on a cold Tuesday, I woke up early, got ready and went and stood in line at 6:30AM and then spent an hour waiting to vote in the presidential election of 2008. While I'm grateful I could vote that is not the most memorable event of that day.

I had been watching the weather reports closely and I had a pretty strong inkling that we were going to get our first snowstorm of the season. I had one last task that needed to be completed before that happened--clean off my patio for the winter and store the outdoor furniture.

The reason I waited so long to complete this task is that I love, love, love my little patio and I don't like to shut it down until I'm positive I can't use it because of the weather. It is so useful because it nearly doubles my living space. While I love my little place it isn't loaded with elbow room so this patio effectively doubles my square footage.

Photo from last year. The couch and table have both been refurbished and there is a little more art on the walls but seriously I think I need an art intervention. The bare walls are begging for it.

During the spring, summer and fall evenings it is so pleasant to sit out there and visit or read or even just sit and listen to the crickets singing. When the n&ns come over on Sunday, they love to play and eat out there too. It effectively opens up the entire backyard to them for exploration as well which I love.

So, here is the patio this morning before I unpacked the furniture and prepped it for all its summertime joy.

And here is the patio after. Ready for visiting, sitting, chatting, and eating. I realize it doesn't look as wonderful in the photo as it looks to me in reality, but I bet you understand my excitement. Tomorrow the n&ns will play out here after church while we eat apples and green hot dogs (meaning lettuce-wrapped, I just called them green hot dogs the first time I served them and the name stuck). Tuesday night our little supper club will sit out here and chat while we sample yummy food and recipes. And one night I will sit out here and blog too!

Yes, the patio is open for service. Welcome to my official start of summer.

Food Friday

2009-05-08T15:32:00.005-06:00

via funwallpaper.blogspot.com

Are you all tired of hearing about my allergy-free diet? I got the most comments on the photos from my recent trip to Massachusetts so it makes me wonder if I'm boring you to tears when I talk about all things health. I've got to admit that besides school and work, the other topic that consumes my mind endlessly is health, my health, your health, our health and how to get healthier.

So much to learn. So little time it seems.

I'm starting my fifth month on the allergy-free diet. All that really means is that I'm eating more of the things that are good for me and less of the things that I've long suspected give me a bit of trouble. Slowly over the last several weeks, I've felt my energy build and build and build to a point that I feel more alive and whole than I've felt in a long, long time. Not to overstate the case but I feel like I've discovered a secret long hidden and long wondered about in my life--what it means to feel good on a daily basis.

Is this how the rest of you live life on a regular, daily basis? Because I've got to tell you that having energy like this feels like a rock star life. And the universe has been holding out on me for far too long. I could get addicted to feeling this way each and every day of my life.

Now, I'm human and I know that I'm going to experiment, test the boundaries and generally push my own buttons to confirm what I've learned so far. I know that just because I feel spectacular for one day or even for many days in a row does not guarantee that this feeling will continue unabated ad infinitum. I'm just going to be okay with the process wherever it leads and whatever I learn from it.

And for now, that means the allergy-free diet is staying.

At some point in the future, whether in three weeks or three months or three years, I'm going to do the second phase of the allergy diet which means challenging each of the foods that I have a sensitivity to and trying them each one by one for a twenty-four period and then waiting three days to see if I experience any negative consequences from that particular food item. For now though, I mostly want to focus on feeling good and not worry about the second phase just yet.

I went to the doctor today and confirmed that this lifestyle change is having a marvelous effect on my overall health as well as my particular health issues. Yeah! Take that metabolic syndrome and PCOS! I've finally found a secret weapon. And it tastes goooood.

On my trip to MA, Amy and I spent a lot of time being foodie friends and discussing all things yummy and tantalizing. I'm continually surprised by Amy and her sister Kate's natural, intuitive leanings toward not only good health but good food too. Good food is fun with them. And good food is really, really yummy with them.

So, in the spirit of simple, warm, yummy food here is a very easy recipe for roasted veggies that Amy made one day. I've done a version of this recipe before but Amy has a magical touch and these veggies and potatoes came out tasting so yummy that I've made this simple dish at least twice since I've been home. Pair it with roasted chicken or spinach turkey burgers and a big salad and you've got a spectacular meal.

RECIPE: Roasted Veggies and Potatoes

1 yam or sweet potato

2-3 red potatoes

1 large Vidalia or sweet onion

1 red pepper

light or virgin olive oil

extra virgin olive oil (only used after veggies are cooked)

sea salt or kosher salt

Slice and quarter the yam and red potatoes. Slice the onion into long, thin strips. Slice the red pepper after removing the seeds and stem. Put everything in a bowl and toss with regular or light virgin olive oil until veggies are well coated. Layer in a 9x13 glass baking dish and salt then bake at 350 degrees for one hour. Pull out pan once during baking process and turn all veggies. After an hour the veggies should be soft. If not, you may want to bake a little longer. Pull them from the oven and let cool for five minutes and then garnish with extra virgin olive oil and salt if necessary.

Makes a warm, hearty dish.

I'd love to hear any great recipes from you. Also, have you made any health changes that have significantly improved your energy? And are you still doing those things? Let's chat.

Looking Up

2009-05-06T08:57:00.004-06:00

The sky yesterday while I was in my car

I was in the canyon yesterday driving up to some property in Midway and admiring the blue-black mountains and the azure sky and the sun rippling through the leaves of trees freshly-minted with new growth. It is hard not to feel steeped in nature when I simply drive through the canyon.

Of course, it is a motion-picture kind of beauty--rather surreal and rushing by my window-swathed capsule of a car. I'm not actually out among the leaves and the dirt and bugs getting sunburned and hot and dirty. I'm sitting removed from the struggle of nature but admiring its effect.

I feel desperate at times to get out of my brick-and-mortar office into "the real world." This particular itch seems especially troublesome each spring when the birds are chirping constantly, the trees are lush and full, and the mountains seem so soft, green and inviting. It's like I'm nutrient-deficient in rocks and wildflowers. I feel like if I don't get outside soon I just might expire--at my desk.

So, my drive up the canyon re-ignited my itch. Or at least brought it into full relief. This itch has been niggling around my brain for several weeks. Now it is punching me in the face. It says rather vehemently "GET OUTSIDE!"

Sunshine, cool breezes and green, green grass. Mountain trails, pine trees and cold, rushing water. That's what I want. Yet, my life is tied to desk for eight hours a day and my free hours seem consumed with cooking, cleaning, attending class, homework, and whatever else may keep me inside the confines of four walls.

And then I remembered. Way back in the halls of my memory I remembered a Geography 101 class I took a long, long time ago. The professor who taught the class was understandably focused on all things outdoorsy. One of our first tasks was to record barometric readings each day along with the temperature. And then we had to keep a journal about what the sky looked like. Excuse me? What the sky looked like? Who cares what the sky looks like? It had something to do with the kind of clouds in the sky and what those clouds could tell me about the weather.

What it did to me was give me a crick in my neck. I found that being forced to look at the sky each day and contemplate clouds required a lot of looking up. And thinking. And pondering. What did the clouds look like? What were they doing? Were they puffy and white like cotton balls or wispy and fleeting? Were dark clouds on the horizon? Which direction were they coming from? What kind of storm might I expect from their appearance?

All very annoying questions that made me have to stop and contemplate the vast blueness of the sky on a too-regular basis.

What that too-regular basis did for me was scratch my itch. Looking at the sky each day and recording my thoughts usually occurred on campus when I was in the midst of a heavy school schedule and rushing to and fro in all of my perceived busyness. Looking up forced me to slow down. Looking up made me see the world around me and realize that nature wasn't just in the mountains or up the canyon or going to the lake. Nature was right here above me telling me a story through the clouds.

Looking up reminded me of lying in the grass as a child and staring up at the vastness of the sky as I dreamed of the kind of life I hoped to live. Looking up reminded me that I was small part of a very big world. Looking up made me think of God.

Which is why just yesterday when my itch was itching me the most and I was wishing I could be anywhere but in my car amid traffic headed towards a full night of "things to do" that I was startled out of my rushing to and fro when I glanced at the sky and saw some puffy white clouds and felt the warm, late day sunshine. Just a glance away was that beauty I seemed to so be itching for.

Right there in front of me.

I've just got to remember to keep looking up.

Springtime in the East

2009-04-27T12:36:00.008-06:00

I'm enjoying the springtime weather out here. This is Adam, Sam and Julia in the magnolia tree in the backyard yesterday afternoon. These three are munchkins and I'm so happy I've been able to be out here visiting them. Last night after they went to bed Amy, Andrew and I sat on the front porch and sang songs while Andrew played the guitar. It was pure bliss. Just music and friends.

Amy and I haven't done much painting but we have organized a few rooms, eaten some good food and had some groundbreaking discussions. All good times.

I'm having too much fun and now I remember why you go on vacation--to get away. I didn't realize how much I needed that. I can't wait to get home and plan the next trip.

Motivating Monday

2009-04-20T05:05:00.004-06:00

I'm a sucker for a good success story. It's always so heartening to see someone reach for their dreams and achieve them when those dreams seem so unlikely.

Last week Rus showed us the video of Susan Boyle on the show "Britain's Got Talent" after Sunday dinner. Her voice was amazing and I so loved her story and then she became a massive news story this past week. So, now many of you have likely seen her story, but if not, check it out. It will make you smile with joy.

There is something so captivating about someone doing what they were born to do. It is simply a gift to watch them doing it.

This week I'm taking finals and then I'll be out of town for several days helping a friend get ready to move. I hope to post once or twice while I'm on the road, but I'm not sure what my access to the Internet will be like so things may be quiet around here.

Also, I never gave official stats on the chocolate vs. ice cream poll probably because I couldn't quite bring myself to admit it but even after tallying every single vote, ice cream won by ONE vote. One little vote. I was only comforted by the fact that so many of you mentioned that you what you really prefer is the combination of chocolate and ice cream together. Now, that I can begin to understand.

So, ice cream fans enjoy your victory and sidle up to a big bowl while you watch the Susan Boyle story. One of them at least should put a smile on your face.

School Thoughts for Thursday

2009-04-16T12:45:00.003-06:00

Between work and school the last week, I've been busy. That and my phobia of writing school papers. I can study and take tests just fine, do the reading without a hitch, go to class, but when it comes to writing a term paper I go into slow melt-down mode. And I LIKE to write.

All I can tell you is that this particular phobia has been with me for years and years. I took AP English my senior year of high school and I remember all year the teacher made us write and rewrite essays for that test. She hammered it into us. And yet, as I walked into the library to take the AP test on that fateful spring day the only thought that came with any clarity to my mind was "I have no idea what I'm supposed to do in this test."

That is pretty close to the way I feel every time I write a school paper. I have no idea what I'm supposed to do. My mind is usually chock full of ideas but executing those ideas takes hours and hours of labor and usually involves about 673 steps. The problem is that when I write a paper, I try to do all 673 steps at the same time. Which means I end up writing about one word per hour and my brain eventually short circuits after 6 hours and 6 words. You see the trouble it causes me?

So, I've been working through my school paper phobia this week as class wrapped up. I also was able to sign on with a professor in the program to do some research on parenting for him. I handed in a paper on Monday, took one of my finals yesterday and have a paper, an extra credit project and another final to complete by Monday. None of that stresses me out except the paper. I realize if I'm going to make my dream of graduate school I've got to get over my phobia . . . fast.

On the good news side, I had my other teacher say some nice things to me yesterday after my final about becoming a therapist. He was very encouraging and I left that final feeling grateful and happy and re-enthused about this entire process. It was just the uplift I needed.

So, excuse me while I go and bury myself amid papers and projects again. I'm trying to get through my own phobia so some day I can help you with your phobias.

At least you can guarantee, I will be sympathetic to your pain.

Happy Easter

2009-04-12T13:12:00.006-06:00

via sporereflections.wordpress.com

I hope this Easter day is a quiet and peaceful one full of joy and contemplation. I know that for me this week has been a joyful renewal as I've contemplated the hope that springs eternal because of Jesus Christ.

Happy Easter to all.

An Apostle's Easter Thoughts on Christ

Shoulders and Hands and Hearts to the Wheel

2009-04-09T11:32:00.002-06:00

Work is always a spiritual necessity even if, for some, work is not an economic necessity. Elder Neal A. Maxwell, Ensign, May 1998, "Put Your Shoulder to the Wheel"

This seems to be a topic consuming my mind lately as I struggle with work that needs to be done and my own shrinking from such work. There is school work and house work and family work and career work and church work and mundane work and there seems to be an endless supply of work to do wherever I look. I'm not saying that is discouraging. Really, it is actually invigorating. What is discouraging is that I still have so much to learn about how to work, what is the best work and even when to not work or when to relax.

Today this thought is encouraging because even with my challenges, I'm grateful to have the energy to want to work and to learn how to work better. Today I'm grateful that I can use my muscles and my brain and my heart and my spirit to work. And that I can come out at the end of the day better spiritually and physically and in so many other ways because I worked.

Good luck with your work today too.

Hidden Food Allergies

2009-04-07T13:28:00.004-06:00

I saw this over on Oprah's site under causes of fatigue. There were thirteen causes of fatigue that were discussed and one of them really struck me because it has been true for me.

While food is supposed to give us energy, some doctors believe hidden food intolerances—or allergies—can do the opposite. According to Dr. Rudy Rivera, author of Your Hidden Food Allergies Are Making You Fat, even mild food intolerance can leave you feeling sleepy. Eat the offending food long enough, and you could find yourself feeling continually exhausted.

"Evidence indicates food intolerance as a cause of fatigue and even suggests that fatigue may be an early warning sign of food intolerance," Rivera says.

If you suspect that food may be behind all that yawning, Rivera says to start with an elimination diet, cutting out foods that cause you to feel sleepy within 10 to 30 minutes of eating them. You can also talk to your doctor about a food allergy test.

I just want to stop and say, YES!!! I am not crazy or imagining things in my head. There is a reason that my energy has multiplied. There is a reason that this is working for me. I am not imagining these results in my head. I am really not crazy.

It is so nice to not feel alone in all of this. It has worked for someone else too. It makes me very, very grateful.

Food Addiction

2009-04-06T11:50:00.011-06:00

In conference this weekend, Elder Robert D. Hales mentioned food addiction in relation to debt. I was so interested that he would recognize food addiction in the long list of other addictions like drugs or money. Here is what he said:

Today, I speak to all whose freedom to choose has been diminished by effects of ill-advised choices of the past. I speak specifically of choices that have led to excessive debt and addictions to food, drugs, pornography and other patterns of thought and action that diminished one's sense of self-worth.

I've been thinking about food addiction and what it is and what it looks like. To me, food addiction looks like a never-ending obsession with food. Where can I get it? How can I get it? How much of it can I consume? What is the soonest possible moment I can consume it? When can I eat again?

Addiction is an ugly monster to house in your closet. It is scary and overwhelming and feels very, very complex.

In seeking to overcome debt and addictive behaviors, we should remember the addiction is a craving of the natural man and can never be satisfied. It is insatiable as an appetite. When we are addicted we seek those worldly possessions or physical pleasures that seem to entice us. But as a child of God our deepest hunger and what we should be seeking for is what the Lord alone can provide: his love, his sense of worth, his security, his confidence, his hope in the future and assurance of his love which brings us eternal joy.

In my life, I've found that food addiction is certainly insatiable. There are so many food triggers that set up a craving that is insatiable. How many times have you opened a bag of chips and not been able to put them down until the whole bag is gone? What about baking a batch of cookies? Did you eat every last one? Have you ever dreamed about a food so intensely that you had to make it and eat as soon as possible?

I don't think it is wrong to dream about food, enjoy food, celebrate food and even immerse ourselves in food and feasting at times. I do know though that addictive eating does not usually come with celebration or joy. Addictive eating for me has occurred most often in secret and most often alone. Addictive eating is caused by and sets off a powerful brew of chemical and biological warfare in your body that feels insurmountable.

I've spent so much of my life wishing to be filled and never quite reaching that place. Have you ever had a full-to-bursting stomach and yet you were still hungry? I have. It is the common predicament in our society of being undernourished but overfed. There is too much food that is simply empty of nutrition but filled with white flour, white sugar and saturated fats. Which one of the many food items you purchase each week is filled with one of those items? For me, it has been too many.

The hopeful thing that I would want to share about food addiction is that I believe it is often misunderstood. I think people who suffer from food addiction know that something very powerful is happening in their bodies but have no idea what set it off or how to shut it down.

That's how I felt at least.

I've had a lead balloon feeling in my stomach from too much food and yet I can't stop my brain from thinking about the next thing I'm going to eat.

I've also had the opposite occur when I ate a whole bunch of broccoli that had been roasted with olive oil and pine nuts. After several bites, I suddenly felt very profoundly full, a condition which was just the opposite of my overfed and undernourished state. Instead, I was fed well and nourished well.

Learning how to nourish the body, feed the soul and shut down the addiction--this has been the scariest, hardest journey in my life.

Changing Routines

2009-04-02T21:50:00.015-06:00

I'm mostly interested in writing and talking about health lately. It is an obsession that ebbs and flows in my life and six months from now I may only want to talk about design or counseling or good books. I sometimes feel a bit apologetic writing about health here because it is inexplicably linked to weight in my brain and I set up this blog to explore all the other interests in my life like reading and art and cooking and nature. It was a reminder to myself that I'm a whole, well-rounded (oh my gosh, no pun intended) person and so much more than the obstacle that has often been a thorn in my side.

Yet, I feel a bit stilted in my writing when I'm thinking nearly nonstop about one topic and trying to write about something else. I think this topic is going to hold court on the blog for a while. I'm also writing this as a warning to myself. I still want this to be a place that explores all of my interests. I just don't want to shut the door on letting health topics in for a visit.

I'm still going strong on the allergy-free diet. It will be twelve weeks this Monday. We went out to a nice restaurant the other night and I succeeded in navigating all the land mines of gluten-free and dairy-free foods. I've despised being "different" for a long time and when it comes to eating differently than others, I've had a hard time. I'm sure my feelings will go up and down about this for many years. I knew ten years ago that I had some kind of food sensitivity and in my own attempt to diagnose it I spent two years off dairy, sugar and meat. I didn't want to give up my beloved carbs like bread, potatoes, pasta, and crackers but I could certainly live without those other things. My health did improve somewhat but after two years, I told my mom one day I was tired of "not being normal." I hated the disruption that my food limitations caused when I was out with friends or visiting others. I so much wanted my body to act like everyone else's "normal."

It's only taken me the ensuing decade to figure out that my normal is not other people's normal.

There are benefits and consequences to both. One benefit for me right now is that I feel amazing. My energy level is unprecedented for me. My stress level is much lower. I seem to have the ability to keep up with busyness of my life. That feels spectacular.

One downside is convenience. I have to make everything from scratch. Which is great that I'm cooking more, but sometimes more difficult when I wish I could just grab a quick bite somewhere. I'm spending a lot of time cooking and I'm learning the art of doubling recipes and freezing the leftovers. Those freezer meals are especially crucial when I'm busy and tired and don't have time to cook. They keep me plugging along.

My normal looks different than most people's normal. My kitchen cupboards and my pantry do too. I'm most comfortable right now in my own kitchen where I can use my favorite olive oil, I can always make a fruit smoothie and my stock of dark chocolate is very close by.

Good food and good meals bind us together when we share them in love and conviviality. I think really what I'm most worried about is missing out on both of those because my food will not always look like my neighbor's. I think that is what drives me to find, make and share food that appeals not only to me but to my neighbor as well. I still have a lot to learn about that.

Welcome to my new normal.

Monday, Monday

2009-03-30T14:43:00.004-06:00

I wish I had something profound and lovely to write. I wish I had something profound and intelligent to say.

I have nothing.

I'm sitting here late at work listening to a group of people do some kind of ritual screaming and stomping in the lobby of the building. It startles me every few minutes when it gets rather loud. I have no idea what is going on and I'm just a bit too scared to go out there and figure it out. I feel like I'm on a horror flick set. Maybe I should go home. Getting startled really isn't my thing.

Or maybe I should go join them. They at least sound like they are having fun.

So, since I'm not feeling inspired, here are a few things that have seemed inspired me recently.

"Eating Food That's Better for You, Organic or Not" by Mark Bittman

"How Do You Fight Cravings" from DietGirl

Turkey Bean Chili by Elana

The chili was one that I made a couple of weeks ago. When the n&ns came over on our usual Sunday play date, I had forgotten to stock up on popcorn and apples, so I broke out this chili. Two of them turned up their noses at first, but once they took a bite, the soup was an instant hit. Within minutes my entire pot of soup was residing in their tummies. I got a thumbs up on the menu that day. I love finding food that I like that is kid friendly too.

The cravings article is just one other great entry by DietGirl. I really enjoy what she has to say about weight loss and body image. She is sensible and funny without being a perfectionist. I concur rather often with what she has to say.

So happy reading. And happy Monday to you all. I think I'm going home now. The stomping is really starting to spook me.

Time to Make Your Voice Heard

2009-03-25T06:53:00.001-06:00

Look at the poll on the right. The ice cream votes are winning. Do I need to repeat myself? The ice cream votes are WINNING, people. It seems that ice cream has a magical hold over more people than just good, ol' chocolate. Chocolate. Really, really good chocolate. Hmmmmm. I love chocolate.

If you want to change the course of history on this site, then hurry up and vote for chocolate! It really is the only sane way to go. Even if you are one of the many people who commented that your favorite is actually chocolate ice cream. I'm going to bet that it is the chocolate part of that equation that makes it so utterly satisfying to you. Hmmmmm.

I mean ice cream is okay (emphasis on okay). But chocolate . . . chocolate is just simply lovely for a myriad of reasons. It tastes good. It looks good. It is good. And it is an important vital nutrient that should be a part of any healthy daily regimen. And this is all documented, people. Scientific studies have proven this as fact.

Just remember, I'm all about highlighting important facts to you. So, let's get voting people. Only a few hours left to vote and either chocolate needs to win or someone really needs to convince me that ice cream should be part of your daily healthy regimen.

And that is going to take some pretty amazing convincing, let me tell you.

The Ides of March: Photo Time

2009-03-21T09:27:00.011-06:00

It's picture time here at Eden's Garden. My memory card was too full and scanning back through the photos over the past month, I've remembered several events that made me smile, so I thought I would share.

First, Katy and I went to the ballet Madame Butterfly back in February. The ballet was gorgeous, detailed and spectacular--everything I expect from the fine company to the north which is why we made the trek in the first place. I like to dip my toes in the cultural waters and see if I can get anything to stick. We even took this photo--illegally. The nice lady usher came up and told us this several times as we kept trying to snap a photo of ourselves with my camera and then with my cell phone. Both times we were encouraged to put away such devices as what we were doing was rather naughty. Apparently the management is rather frightened that we might end up taking a photo of something more important than the little, squished chairs we were crammed into up on the balcony.

So, this was the best photo of the lot and one that made me laugh as I remembered the dinner that Katy and I had gorged on just shortly before and the smoking oven that resulted. We had roast chicken and my new favorite broccoli recipe and somewhere in there my little oven did its ritual bout of smoking profusely because of a pool of oil that had collected on the bottom of the oven. I'm learning that yes, I have to clean it more often. Katy just said that it didn't seem she and I could have a really spectacular meal unless a fire was involved somewhere along the way.

Which is exactly why the two of us are friends. She gets me.

Second in my stock of photos was this one from Dad's birthday earlier this month. Mom made another delicious cake and even went so far as to collect all 63 candles needed to celebrate Dad's age appropriately.

Resulting in this rather exciting fireworks display that left some of the wee ones entirely entranced. And most of us big ones as well.

And if we are being honest, I'm sure it left Dad himself a bit stunned. I never seem to be able to wrap my head around how old I'm getting so I imagine it only gets worse with age when you feel young and totally yourself on the inside but you start to realize that age and evidence are collecting on the outside after seeing a lighting display like the one shown.

I hope it was a happy birthday, Dad, despite the rather bright reminder of your years. I'm lucky to have you and lucky you have allowed me the space and honesty to be myself--even braving the ride with me. I'm not sure you will ever know quite how much it means to me that you've stayed in my corner despite the ups and downs. Love you and all your years of collected wisdom and humanity.

Here's another lucky little girl with her daddy. She has him completely wrapped up in her happiness and joy. I think there is nothing quite as tender as seeing your big, tough brothers turn into the fathers of little girls. They endure pink and princesses and even pouting because these little girls reach in and twist their hearts in a way just no other person can. And the heart-melting goodness of it never gets old.

Nor does my desire to keep taking photos of those wee ones and their cohorts--the little boys. This one, who calls me "E'ee" and kisses me with gallons of love each time I see him, has me entirely wrapped around his finger. A position that I am unwilling to surrender any time soon. Because those kisses and that particular lilt to his voice when he calls my name makes life entirely too delicious. I just don't know how all you parents do it in the world of everyday life. I would gnaw on him full-time if I had access to him 24/7. And then his brother and sister enter the room and I'm a goner again. And don't even get me started on being surrounded by all 17 (soon to be 20!) of the n&ns. I think that's why "auntie" really is a pretty spectacular job--all the love, none of the actual hard work.

Then, of course, this evening brought a big smile to my face. Christine (otherwise known as Chef Christine) and I went out for a girls' night and tried out Pizzeria 712 which is making a name for itself with its fabulous, fresh, amazing food. It is the kind of great food and great atmosphere that we've needed so much more of around here and I immediately became a fan, especially after eating their sweet potato bacon spinach salad with maple vinaigrette. Super yummy. Christine had one of their tasty pizzas and she assured me (and my gluten-free status) that despite not being able to partake, she could report that it was goooood. Hmmmmmm.

If you are ever in town, stop by. You will thank me.

And finally, I went with my brother and his family and my sister and her family to the open house of the Draper Temple. Thanks to Rus, we were able to take a private tour along with a group from India that our uncle invited.

The temple was gorgeous and it was fun to show the kids the rooms and talk about why the temple is so important. It was also fun to sit talk with our tour leader afterwards and hear the questions the group from India asked. We had a great discussion.

Also, it was coooooooold. The temple is situated up on the side of the mountain and it was a bit bitter that evening. I got each family to pose for 1.7 seconds flat while I took the photo and then we all scooted to the warmth of the car.

Warm is good. Which is another reason I love this month of March. It may begin a little cold, but by the end of this month, spring is upon us without a doubt. And spring really brings a smile to my face.

UPDATE: Take my little poll on the right. I'm just very, very interested. When you eat a treat which is it? Ice cream or chocolate? I'd love to know!

A Taste of Jam

2009-03-17T16:39:00.005-06:00

This is the jam table from one day of our trip to Denmark. (A day that hasn't been published yet--keep dreaming folks. I will eventually complete the ENTIRE trip.) We found this table on the side of the road across the street from a tiny church located in tiny town on a tiny island. It was early in the morning and we saw very few people out and about in this little town. But the jam was there and for sale. And the payment was the honor system. You pick your bottle of jam, deposit the correct amount of money in the little glass jar and go merrily on your way.

I purchased raspberry lemon jam. Hmmmmm. I carried it back from Denmark in my already overstuffed carryon bag and I wrapped it carefully amid the clothes and shoes because most of all I wanted to bring a taste of Denmark back home with me. I spooned it on toast with almond butter and let its summery goodness glide down my throat. It did remind me of that beautiful morning and the smell of the ocean and the view of the verdant summer fields on that island.

The flag of Denmark is red and my jam was red as well. I know that today is St. Patrick's Day and I'm wearing green to celebrate the Irish-American heritage of our great country, but I must admit that on this day I bleed more Danish red than Irish green. I hope the Irish ancestors of America don't take offense because in remembering to honor them and their sacrifices and contributions to our land, my soul has been stolen by the beautiful isles of Denmark and the way they worked their magic into my heart . . . and stomach.

My bet is in the big picture, it mostly matters that we remember, whether we bleed red, blue or green, that many of the blessings we enjoy today have come because of the sacrifice and choices of so many before us.

And to that I say: Thank you.

How Sweet It Is

2009-03-14T06:00:00.008-06:00

I've been trying to get this entry done for a week. I have so much to say about this topic that I find myself writing too much and trying to fit all of my opinions and experiences in to one little post. So, I did my best to stick to the point of the benefits of low-glycemic eating.

I read a couple of articles the other day from the December 2007 O, The Oprah magazine that I wish had been written when I was a teenager going through the first throes of a body image horror. Not that I would want to promote diet mentality or further push myself into self-loathing, but simply so that as a young girl I could biologically understand MY BODY and why it was so different than everyone around me.

The articles deal with low-glycemic eating, what it is and how it affects people who are high-insulin responders.

The first article, "How Sweet It Is" by Nancy Gottesman shares the example of a woman who started to put on weight when she hit puberty. Insulin is a hormone and as the hormone stew takes off in puberty, high-insulin responders can have a reaction that includes piling on the pounds.

When LeeAnn Henn turned 12, extra pounds almost magically appeared on her frame. "I was always a little chunky," she says, "but right around puberty I put on a lot more. . . Though she tried to cut calories and fat on a number of different diets over the years, the numbers on the scale just kept going up. "I'd eat less, exercise more, get frustrated, then quit," recalls Henn, now 28. "I could never lose much, and over time, I just got heavier."

I was always a little chunky too and found that when puberty hit my weight took off as well. I spent most of my teenage years wishing for a different body. That never happened and gradually I began to learn how to work with the body I was given.

Also, I REALLY liked the article because of this quote below. I used to get mad when I was younger and people would say that losing weight was as easy as a calorie in and a calorie out. Yet, this was not my experience. I felt like I put on weight whenever I just looked at food compared to someone like my brother Adam who seemed to be able to eat anything and everything and store it in his hollow leg without gaining an ounce. What I didn't know at the time was I was high-insulin responder comparing myself to low-insulin responders. When I ate things like bread, pasta, crackers and fruit juice, I really was putting on weight because of the way my body responded to such foods. Which is why I agree with the statement below.

[Dr. David Ludwig] is one of a handful of researchers trying to prove that all calories are not, in fact, equal; some of us are genetically programmed to pile on pounds much faster when we eat the wrong type of food, even foods we think of as healthy.

I knew from long experience that a calorie in and a calorie out theory didn't work which is why I would get upset when I heard it repeated over and over. It is so comforting to have that innate belief backed up by hard data.

An easy way to gauge if you are a high-insulin responder is the example below.

"High-insulin secretors tend to be apples, with more fat around the middle," maintains Ludwig. "Low-insulin secretors tend to be pears."

I never developed broad hips, but I've always had a tummy. And that tummy is the last thing to go when I do lose weight. So, I'm an apple shape for sure.

The accompanying article then gives some guidelines for what to eat on a low-glycemic diet. First though there is an explanation of the glycemic index.

The glycemic index (GI) is a ranking of carbohydrate-containing foods on a scale of 0 to 100. The higher the number, the more quickly you'll digest the food and trigger extreme fluctuations in blood sugar. Low scores (55 and lower) mean the food is digested slowly and produces only gradual changes in blood sugar. . . . Ludwig advises that you avoid "eating by the numbers" and instead follow these simple guidelines.

The guidelines are:

1. Eat plenty of fiber-rich vegetables (dark leafy greens—good; corn—not so good), beans (all of them), and fruit (apples, pears, peaches, and berries have a lower GI than tropical fruits, like papaya and mangoes).

2. Limit potatoes to small side dishes.

3. Choose grains in their least processed states. For example, replace refined and white breads with stone-ground whole wheat, sourdough, or pumpernickel. Swap jasmine and arborio rice for basmati, brown, or long grain. Instead of processed cereals like cornflakes and instant oatmeal, stick with old-fashioned oats or cold cereals that have at least four grams of fiber per serving. Ration white-flour sweets like doughnuts and cookies for the occasional treat—there are no healthy substitutes for these!

4. Avoid sugar-sweetened beverages, and drink no more than one cup of 100 percent fruit juice daily.

5. Consume protein and fat at most meals and snacks. Eating a balance of nutrients will help keep your blood sugar steady and your hunger in check. Vegetable and lean animal sources (including dairy) are your best options for protein. Olive oil, nuts, avocados, seeds, and nut butters are healthy fats. Cut back on saturated fats, and banish trans fats completely.

My perception of eating healthy as a young girl was to not eat a lot of treats and to eat less food at each meal. What this led to was a constant battle with hunger and the feeling that if I didn't control my hunger better I was somehow a bad person. Now I understand that when I was eating potatoes and bread and cereals that those foods tend to make me more hungry because they spike my blood sugar--especially when they are eaten alone or without accompanying good fats and lean meats.

It has been such a relief over the last few years to discover that hunger is a normal, natural state and that feeding that hunger with foods that are low-glycemic is one of the best ways to eat for my body. This is not about depriving my body of any foods--this simply is about learning the balance and learning that eating lean meats, fruits and veggies, and good fats like olive oil and raw nuts as well as whole grains or complex carbs like brown rice, sweet potatoes or butternut squash makes my body feel its very best.

And now, my stomach is grumbling and I wish I'd started dinner an hour ago. At least I know exactly what to eat.

In The Pink

2009-03-12T10:01:00.004-06:00

This is me at nine years old dressed up as an I-don't-know-what and walking in a little parade. My family had taken a trip to a scout camp in Philmont, New Mexico and each child was assigned to our age group where we spent the day with camp leaders who took us on hikes, told us camp stories and tried to distract us by making us dress up in giant pink flowers and walk around the camp while our parents clapped and told us we were beautiful.

For this trip, we borrowed an RV and we drove all the way down to New Mexico in style. My favorite part was riding in the loft right above the driver's seat in the RV and seeing the road stretch out in front of me. I felt like I was flying. I never tired of staring out at the scenery in front of me and watching the summer fields or metropolitan cities that rolled by.

If I could tell myself anything at this age, I think I would say "Hold on tight, honey. The journey is just beginning. " I had a lot of joy, pain and bumps in the road to encounter and I wish I could have given myself a stock of courage for those bumps that would bruise the most and linger.

And next I would have said, "Never wear those pink flowers again."

At least I would have my best interests at heart.