Hmmmmmm, Good.

Guess who ate every last one of my blueberry muffins? 

How I Know My Cooking Needs Some Work

I’ve been baking lately with my company around. Most of that baking has involved experimenting with gluten-free flours to make pancakes, muffins, and cookies. My eight-year-old visitor, Sam, had some commentary on these experiments. I had made pancakes one morning and in typical fashion I didn't test the recipe before I made it for my visitors. The pancakes were only a borderline success. They were approved by the adult-only crowd but the kid-only crowd had some serious reservations. The next morning I made blueberry muffins with a different kind of gluten-free flour. This was the conversation that ensued.

SAM: What’s for breakfast?

ME: Blueberry muffins

SAM: Yes! I love blueberry muffins.

ME: Good, I hope you’ll like these.

(Pause. Sam approaches the bowl I’m mixing the recipe in and looks in it, then back at me. Worried look on his face.)

SAM: Umm, are you using the stuff that normal people use to make real blueberry muffins?

ME: No, I’m using a different kind of flour.

SAM: Hmmm.

Pause.

SAM: Well, you know, maybe I don’t like blueberry muffins anymore.

Yes. I have now contributed to the delinquency of a minor by giving him the urge to go and steal breakfast from the nearby grocery store rather than consume my blueberry muffins. Ouch.

This Yawn Is for You

Too many nights in a row with only four hours of sleep. Far too many hormones colliding in my brain today. The "black dog" is hovering on my shoulder as well. And I see a headache on the horizon. 

I haven't even seen the sun yet this morning. Looks like it is going to be quite a day. Quite. A. Day. 

Can somebody get me some Advil? Stat?

That's What Friends Are For

I'm still deep in the land of visiting friends and post-wedding hype. Here is a photo of two of the best people I know: Katy and Amy. Can you believe I am friends with sisters? I'm lucky enough to have a relationship with both of these girls and a connection between all three of us. I think it speaks to the great hearts they both have and the warmth and affection they exude that they have both opened their arms to me. They are, of course, very different and indiviual women but they have similarities in thought or action that are striking at times.

I want this time/celebration/vacation to continue for a long, long time. Why can't I live permanently on little sleep, disrupted routine and excellent long chats? Kate's wedding was over a week ago now, but she and I finally went to lunch and reconnected after the hectic few weeks approaching the wedding. We broke down the entire experience and if it is what she imagined and wanted and came away with a resounding "yes!" Kate is happy with her beautiful day and her new husband and I'm thrilled for her.

And Amy and I have been chatting through several days of feeding children, cleaning up after children and entertaining children. We just couldn't take it any longer and stayed up most of last night to make sure we hit every major and important topic of discussion that had so far not been covered. I only wish it could have gone on longer.

I guess I'm just feeling rich and full and happy. I've seen one friend step into a brand-new life and I've spent some serious quality time reconnecting with the other who is in the midst of a very busy life. They have both enriched my life so much and I've spent a lot of time the last several days realizing how grateful I am for their influence, love, warmth and candor.

I'm just going to enjoy every moment I have while this little party continues.

If You Start Them Young

This was my house Friday evening. Three kids, one mother and me. They had just read the scriptures for a bit, they were about to have prayer and the kids were going to be tucked in their beds. But the kids were a bit restless and not quite ready to go to sleep. So, what did the mommy do? 

Yoga.

Yes, at 9:00 pm my little place was looking a bit like a yoga studio with everyone (except me--had to take pictures, you know) doing "up dog" and "down dog."  I wondered where else the world a mother was leading her crew in such an activity. 

But lucky me, I got to witness it. My dear, sweet friend Amy is here visiting for a few weeks and I'm thrilled to get to host her and her three munchkins at my house for part of that time. Amy and her husband live in Massachusetts and it has been far too long since she and I have been sharing the same physical space. 

It just makes me smile.

We've been friends for over ten years. We met when we were young, idealistic and full of dreams. Now were both a bit bruised from life's challenges and far less dreamy. But we still like to sit and really chew into our lives and thoughts and come up with "world peace." It is just so much more fun to do face to face than over the phone. 

So, to three-hour chat fests, cooking excellent food together, and Friday-night yoga. Friends are such a gift. 

Tagged: Joys and Fears in My Life

I've been racking my brain for a few days for some worthy writing material. And nothing has come to mind. I think these are the days that I'm supposed to write anyway and really, truly pay for my craft with some serious, intensive, bone-crushing work.

I'm not much of a bone crusher.

So, thanks to Christine I've been tagged and I'm ready to play along simply to get out of my current writing slump. Hold on to your hats because it looks like another day of self-revelation. (With me lurching wildly from the oh-so-serious to the oh-so-NOT-serious.)

How to play this game.
Post these rules on your blog: List 3 joys, 3 fears, 3 goals, 3 current obsessions/collections, 3 random surprising facts about yourself. Tag 5-6 people at the end of your post by leaving their names.

3 joys

• Family, friends, gospel: I'm going to combine these all in one because my life as I know it would not be the same without any of these people or this belief system. These are my center, my core, my happiness and my truest joys.
  
  
• Nature: sunrise peeeking through my windows in the early-morning hours, watching the sunset over the lake nearby, hiking up a mountain trail, swimming in a cold, clear creek on a hot July day, watching the storm clouds move in, the first snowfall of the season. Nature inspires and refreshes me continually.
  
  
• Really using my gifts, my talents, my strengths to make the world a little brighter and a little happier; no joy seems to match the joy of using the best parts of myself in a way that is needed or wanted

3 fears

• That I may never wear a bikini (on a private beach, people, for just one viewer) and look smokin' hot.
  
  
• That some day I will actually wet my pants in public when I'm laughing too hard. (Oh, you think that is funny? Try having poor bladder control, terrible skill at remembering to empty said bladder and wickedly funny people surrounding you and see how long it takes before this same fear overwhelms you.)
  
  
• That people will not believe me when I say "STOP tickling me." I watched a cousin get tackled, pinned down, and tickled mercilessly once by her fiance and I swore in that moment that if I ever got engaged and my fiance ever did that to me, I would break the engagement immediately. (Not that engagements have been wildly numerous in my life). This fear relates directly to fear #2. Because if some one does have me pinned down and is tickling me then I can guarantee you the outcome will NOT be pretty. And I will have realized two fears at once.

3 goals

• To some day overcome my lose-my-breath-and want-to-die reaction to being tickled (I have a friend who claims it is all in mind control. All I can say is you come live in my body for one day and we will talk about mind control. pfffffftt!) Note to anyone who comes near me: This does not mean that I welcome any attempts to assist me in overcoming this reaction.
  
  
• To one day be prepared for any event--a trip, a party, a visit from a friend, a class I'm teaching--before ten seconds to the zero hour. Yes, I'd like to throw off the procrastination/avoiding technique that I've become quite adept at. Maybe I can start working on it tomorrow.
  
  
• To really turn in the rebate for my iPod Touch so it is free, free, free.

3 obsessions/collections

• I have a thing for bags, I guess. I'm still not sure I believe it, but it has been pointed out to me a lot recently. I've never had an obsession with shoes or clothes, but I certainly like to find a good bag and hold on to it. I'm lately enamored with Butler bags. This woman is a kindred spirit. She has figured out a way for a customer to store a lot of things in one bag and be able to find all of those items. This is my one great search for any bag: compartments. I detest searching and searching through a bag for the one item I need: my pen, my bank card, some change or whatever. And I end up doing it all the time. I think it is because I have yet to find the perfect bag. I love the idea of a compartment for everything. My perfect bag would be small and carry all of my cards, money, receipts, pens, notebook, cell phone, iPod, make-up, food, and a book to read. And that would just be everyday bag. Then there is my work bag, my church bag, my play bag, my traveling bag. etc. etc. ad nauseum. Okay, so I like bags.
  
  
• Papers. I wrote about my love of papers a while back and that love endures. Papers are a passion for me because they are the genesis of books, ideas and thoughts. I keep articles I read and like for future fodder for my own writing on that topic. I keep cards and letters sent to me that have special meaning. I keep my writings and journal entries. I keep talks that inspire and educate me. All of this paper has to be organized and accessible if it is going to be really useful. And it has to be organized or I would drown in paper.
  
  
• Teaching people how to park correctly. I don't know what it is but I seem to attract the parking-challenged wherever I go. My favorite thing is to approach my car and find someone parked so close to me that I have to enter my car from the passenger side and climb over everything just to get to the driver's seat. I keep sticky notes and a pen in my car just so I can write loving and thoughtful notes to these parking neophytes and instruct them on the appropriate way to park a 2-ton vehicle when it is next to my car. I'm not sure my campaign is really working. Or that my notes are as lovingly received as they are intended.

3 random surprising facts

• I always forget to go to the bathroom. (Which is one of the reasons I so hate to be tickled. I can guarantee I'm almost never in a state of preparation for it.) I know this sounds insane but people who are around me a lot will start nodding their heads in affirmation. I will have this intense urge to go now! and then get so absorbed in whatever I'm doing that I don't realize I'm rocking back and forth chronically for the next three hours. It is just an awareness that takes a very long time for me to register and respond to on most days. And because I'm so forgetful, it drives me nuts when someone notices my nervous tic of insistent rocking back and forth before I do and gently asks, "What is wrong with you?" 
  
  
• I had no idea I had naturally curly hair until I moved back East in my twenties. In junior high, I just thought it took an awfully long time for me to grow out a perm. (Yes, perms. Remember when it was ultra-cool to perm your hair?) I was always surprised that two years later my perm was still hanging around. Then when I moved back East to humidity central, my hair frizzed out daily and it slowly dawned on me that no, this was not my latest perm from six years ago coming back to haunt me and that yes, my hair was naturally curly (or more correctly, naturally wavy). I learned to love just putting some gel in my hair, scrunching it a bit, and letting it dry. Fast and easy hair was such a bonus to discover.
  
  
• I'm easily startled. This has something to do with my ability to get quickly absorbed by whatever is in front of me. Please never, never walk up behind me (or beside me, or really, even in front of me) without sounding some kind of alarm or notice or warning. Fog horns work best. If you do walk up without warning me, be prepared to defend yourself. I've been known to utter a shriek so high-pitched your ear drums will split. Then I will begin to flail wildly in your direction and I take no prisoners. (Think Jackie Chan meets Baloo the Bear and you will have the right idea of what a terrifying spectacle you will behold). I nearly took my boss out a few months ago when he approached my desk suddenly and with a booming voice. The black eye was with him for about three weeks.

If you really want to be permanently removed from my "inner circle" list then just try one day to startle and tickle me in a public venue. It will be your funeral, my friend, your funeral. Did I mention PERMANENT removal from my inner circle?

Let's just never go there.

You are it
Now you know far too much about me and so to return the favor, if any of my lovely and loyal readers would like to respond with their own posts, then tag, you are it. Just let me know in the comments section so I can come and read right away.

Otherwise, here are a few people that might want a bit of nudge for a new post: Meg, Julie, Cissy (what a great way to get your blog going), Rus and Michelle (a post for each of you!).

Bicycle Built for Two

Congratulations to Katy and Barrett. You've really started the ride of your lives.

Dinner Party Menu

My very dear, good friend is getting married tomorrow. In her honor and as a last hurrah, we had a little dinner party at my house the other night. This is a friendship that has been built on food, discussions of food, theories about food, and experimentation with food. We are friends by great good luck and food is our favorite friendship currency. 

So, this was the menu put together by four cooks:

Wild salmon with lemon herb

Barbecue chicken

Spinach salad with roasted pistachios, dried cranberries and a mustard vinaigrette dressing

Wild rice

Lime-sweetened honeydew 

Fresh blueberries

Baby peas sauteed with pine nuts and pearl onions

Fresh-squeezed lemonade

Herbal iced tea

Vanilla coconut cupcakes with dark chocolate frosting

It was a night to remember. 

Dinner Party To-do List

What must be done to get ready for dinner party

1. paint bathroom
2. install new faucet
3. install new light
4. hang 2 new towel rods
5. buy new bed spread
6. 2 new rugs
7. 2 new chairs
8. move out old desk
9. clean oven
10. hang curtain rods and curtains
11. rearrange most of furniture
12. install new outdoor light
13. sweep patio
14. buy new pads for outdoor furniture
15. purchase new dishes
16. set table
17. cook fabulous meal
18. look fabulous too
19. schedule nervous breakdown for after dinner party
20. only cry once an hour during day of dinner party
21. camouflage new paint smell in house with 1 bucket of Febreeze
22. have allergic reaction to mixture of Febreeze with new paint smell
23. open all windows to air out house from killer allergic mixture
24. lose all of cold air to outdoors
25. sweat to death in new outfit while finishing meal as windows are opened and house airs out
26. pull cupcakes out of oven at last minute while sweat is pooling at my feet, cupcakes now taste like Febreeze/new paint mixture
27. move party out of doors so we can all sweat rivers together and not be overcome by new paint smell
28. die a little inside as party goes down in stunning flames
29. light some candles, focus on guests, eat remaining edible food while swatting at moths the size of dump trucks
30. enjoy conversation at dinner table and remember that the most important part of this whole event is sitting right there in front of you
31. feed cupcakes to moths 
32. plan next dinner party 

Some of this really happened. Some is from my nightmare. I will let you decide which is which. 

Here's the Dish

I bought some new white dishes last week on sale. (check out the photo above). I've been in the market for everyday dishes for two years now. I've been hobbling along with a smattering of dishes that I bought my freshman year of college and some of my grandmother's everyday china. I only have four plates of each and a couple of bowls and one set is blue and the other pink and green. It hasn't been really conducive to entertaining. So, this new purchase is my answer to that little problem. 

I've only wanted white dishes. No color for me. I want these dishes to last a very long time and go with everything. Hopefully that will be so. 

But these dishes also feel like a big commitment. A big commitment to being a real grown-up. Like this is my house, this is my car, this is my husband and these are my dishes. You only have dishes when you have a decent place to house them and a table to set them on and great food to serve on them at your latest dinner party. 

Dishes make you responsible for all sorts of things. 

They seem to proclaim to the world: I'm here, I'm settled and this is my life. 

Maybe that is why I've been avoiding, delaying, and running from the implications. I've been really unsure for a long time where I am, if I'm settled and what my life looks like. I've been in a giant holding pattern waiting for the next big thing to come along: my fabulous life as a writer in New York, my adventurous life as deep sea diver in Alaska, my neo-spiritual life as hiking guide in the mountains of New Mexico. Something or anything different than the job I work, the body I have, and the indecision that continues to mount in my life. 

And really, I think I just kept waiting for the wedding. 

You know, that nebulous, fairy-tale thing that is supposed to happen to you in your twenties when you've finally found the one and decide to make a life and babies with him. That wedding. 

Yeah, that wedding didn't come. Neither did the shopping together and the setting up of our first house and the choosing of dishes that would signify the life we were living together where we shared a table and food and a daily ritual that could stretch on into forever. 

It's taken me a while to pack up that little fairy tale. It was a pretty one to hold in my treasure box, but it isn't the only dream there. And in some of my pining and moaning for another reality, I've forgotten all those other dreams. All those other places I want to go and people I want to see and life I want to live. I've let those other dreams get a dusty and cobwebby and hidden. 

And it's killing me. 

So, the lid's been taken off the treasure box and some dreams have been dusted off and others discarded. Really, the only dream that truly matters is that I'm using my gifts to serve and love others in this world. That I'm living the best life I know how in the moments that I have right now and not waiting for the future to meet me or the past to catch up with me. I'm just using what I've been given right now, right here, in this very moment. 

So, I bought dishes. Pretty white dishes that make me feel I can welcome the world at my door and serve them meals on understated, elegant dinnerware. And so I can really get this party started called my life right now. 

I'm here, I'm settled, and this is my life. And these are my dishes.