All I can tell you is that this particular phobia has been with me for years and years. I took AP English my senior year of high school and I remember all year the teacher made us write and rewrite essays for that test. She hammered it into us. And yet, as I walked into the library to take the AP test on that fateful spring day the only thought that came with any clarity to my mind was "I have no idea what I'm supposed to do in this test."
That is pretty close to the way I feel every time I write a school paper. I have no idea what I'm supposed to do. My mind is usually chock full of ideas but executing those ideas takes hours and hours of labor and usually involves about 673 steps. The problem is that when I write a paper, I try to do all 673 steps at the same time. Which means I end up writing about one word per hour and my brain eventually short circuits after 6 hours and 6 words. You see the trouble it causes me?
So, I've been working through my school paper phobia this week as class wrapped up. I also was able to sign on with a professor in the program to do some research on parenting for him. I handed in a paper on Monday, took one of my finals yesterday and have a paper, an extra credit project and another final to complete by Monday. None of that stresses me out except the paper. I realize if I'm going to make my dream of graduate school I've got to get over my phobia . . . fast.
On the good news side, I had my other teacher say some nice things to me yesterday after my final about becoming a therapist. He was very encouraging and I left that final feeling grateful and happy and re-enthused about this entire process. It was just the uplift I needed.
So, excuse me while I go and bury myself amid papers and projects again. I'm trying to get through my own phobia so some day I can help you with your phobias.
At least you can guarantee, I will be sympathetic to your pain.
1 comment:
I have that same phobia too. Just thinking about you writing a term paper is putting me into a cold sweat.
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