I'm writing this very late or rather awfully early--whichever way you want to look at it. Let's just say the clock is well past midnight and I seem to have the rare courage that possesses only drunks and lunatics at this time of day. And since I can't distinguish between a beer or a brandy, I can only ascribe my current headspace to the particular illogic that possesses those who know, use and can explain the difference between pyschiatry and psychology and make sense of either.
In a word: I simply can't define myself to one word when more than one word is needed to explain my dilemma.
I don't know what to write.
Okay, that's not true either. I know what to write: write what is in your heart, write what is on your mind, write on a topic given to you by editors who also hand you a deadline. Just write.
I've written here. On several topics ranging from Sunday afternoons to family celebrations to personal philosophies. I've written on rearranging my living room to natural childbirth to my favorite new dishes. I've even subjected my readers to the nightmare pseudo-reality of a fateful dinner party and to rants regarding my mullet-like lawn.
What I haven't felt is a lot of focus about what to write. Especially on any topic that doesn't deal with my health, food, or my job. These topics seem to be on my mind all the time right now.
I started this blog because I wanted a place to develop my writing, share thoughts about my life and get my design on. I'd like to believe that this is my creativity corner in blogosphere where I get artsy and craftsy and get the juices flowing. It is the place where I write about anything and everything that doesn't have to do with health.
Why anything but health? Because health is what I think about constantly. It is my passion, my hobby, my love, my constant thought process. I'm always interested in health.
I also have always struggled with my weight. It has been a constant challenge in my life since I was nine years old and went on my first diet. It will likely be a struggle I deal with the rest of my life.
It is the reason I'm so interested in health too. I'm looking for answers.
I've learned a lot in that process of searching for answers. Things that I never expected to learn, things I didn't necessarily want to learn either. But I've learned.
And one thing that I've learned is that it is okay to be interested in health--fascinated by it, really--and struggle with my weight. That's a conundrum that will likely accompany me for a long, long time.
Which is also why I don't like to write about it here often. It consumes so much of my life and my thoughts that it is a blog all on its own. What I want to write about here are the other things that make me laugh and make me cry and make me joyful. Because despite the fact that I'm interested in all things health, it some times turns into an obsession that really is not all that healthy.
Not that healthy at all. Which is likely something I should write about too.