Dinner Party To-do List

What must be done to get ready for dinner party

1. paint bathroom
2. install new faucet
3. install new light
4. hang 2 new towel rods
5. buy new bed spread
6. 2 new rugs
7. 2 new chairs
8. move out old desk
9. clean oven
10. hang curtain rods and curtains
11. rearrange most of furniture
12. install new outdoor light
13. sweep patio
14. buy new pads for outdoor furniture
15. purchase new dishes
16. set table
17. cook fabulous meal
18. look fabulous too
19. schedule nervous breakdown for after dinner party
20. only cry once an hour during day of dinner party
21. camouflage new paint smell in house with 1 bucket of Febreeze
22. have allergic reaction to mixture of Febreeze with new paint smell
23. open all windows to air out house from killer allergic mixture
24. lose all of cold air to outdoors
25. sweat to death in new outfit while finishing meal as windows are opened and house airs out
26. pull cupcakes out of oven at last minute while sweat is pooling at my feet, cupcakes now taste like Febreeze/new paint mixture
27. move party out of doors so we can all sweat rivers together and not be overcome by new paint smell
28. die a little inside as party goes down in stunning flames
29. light some candles, focus on guests, eat remaining edible food while swatting at moths the size of dump trucks
30. enjoy conversation at dinner table and remember that the most important part of this whole event is sitting right there in front of you
31. feed cupcakes to moths 
32. plan next dinner party 

Some of this really happened. Some is from my nightmare. I will let you decide which is which.